It's Official -- I'm a SAHM

Today is the day that I would be frantically working with a million students in my office, trying to get their schedules just right. I would be fielding phone calls from angry parents who want things "just so" for their kid. I wouldn't have time for lunch and by 2:00 my stomach would be full of knots. So why do I miss my job so darn much?

As of this moment, it has finally sunk in that home is where I am at for the next long while. I won't be getting a paycheck on the 25th anymore, and my health insurance expires at the end of the month. Obviously, there were many things about my old job that I wasn't sad to leave behind -- namely whiny teachers and obnoxious parents, and the stress of trying to please a wide variety of "customers" -- but I truly enjoyed my work. I think what I enjoyed the most was being needed. I was important to some people. Or maybe not important, but absolutely necessary in order for things to go smoothly. Occasionally, I was admired or complimented for something I did well, and I even had a couple students come back and tell me they appreciated something I had done for them. I was validated. I'll admit I was a half-expecting to get an email or a phone call today from the counseling center asking for some advice, and that I was a little sad that there was no contact from Dayton today. They are moving on.

When I run into people around town, usually the first thing they ask me is how am I enjoying staying at home. They ask with a tone that almost assumes that I am achieving pure joy by spending all day at home with a toddler and little baby, preparing three meals a day, repeating the same chores over and over, and dealing with a complete and total lack of privacy (I used to have an office with a door that closed AND locked). My usual response has been, "Well, it's been an adjustment." Am I a terrible mother to admit that I miss the lunches out, wearing slacks, intense conversations, solving problems and answering questions, and the daily trips I took to a private bathroom? Most of the mom's I know act like being at home is the best thing since chocolate-chip cookie dough ice-cream. Maybe they're hiding something.

Being at home is not horrible, and I know that I made the right decision. In fact, there are several things that I have enjoyed since quitting my job. I love not having to rush in the morning. That was by far the worst thing about working -- getting up early, all of us trying to hurry and get ready and get out of the door as soon as possible. Poor John was rushed around every morning I was working. I also like the flexibility. I can pretty much choose my schedule and plan things for any day of the week. And, I do admit, that I am so glad to just be there with the boys. I realized this weekend that Charlie is the exact age that John was when I started back to work full-time. I can't imagine going through that again. I like being the one who gets Charlie out of bed when he wakes up from a nap or making John's lunch. I like jumping on the trampoline and painting with watercolor paints. I think that the joy comes in the briefest of moments amid long stretches of mundanity (is that a word? maybe mundaneness?) -- and luckily I get to be there to notice when it happens.



Okay, now I'm starting to sound like my friends.

Amy