Still Crazy After All These Years

Remember all of those questions that you guys asked me ages ago? I kind of was on a roll for a while answering them (the more simple ones, at least), but got busy with other things and I nearly forgot about them. One of the most difficult questions asked, was posed by Jen -- an individual I met through NaBloPoMo last November. She wanted to know what I thought my life would be like if I had never met and married my husband, Mike, aka, The Dreamboat. I had been reluctant to answer it because it seemed a little personal at first, and I hadn't really wanted to share too many details about my marriage. However, since that time I have posted several things which definitely could be considered MUCH more personal than the relationship I have with my husband, so I think I'm going to tackle this one, and I am also going to do it in outline/countdown format, if you don't mind. We are coming up on our eight-year anniversary at the end of this month, so I think a post of this sort is in order.

Let me preface by sharing a little bit of info about how/when Mike and I met, and a little bit of our history that we have created in the ten or so years that we have known each other. The first time I saw Mike was at my job in Corvallis. I was 22 years old, a senior in college, and working at a crisis center. He was volunteering there (don't worry, he wasn't a client) as a Spanish/English translator for the medical clinic that was being held there for the evening. I was the only staff member in the building at the time, and I was in the middle of fielding a suicide phone call and contacting 911 dispatch when Mike tried to get my attention for something. He needed a phone number for someone he was working with. A phone number for the Polk County Health Department, to be exact. As soon as he started asking his question, I held my hand up and told him I was doing something VERY important and I would help him later. About an hour later (I was able to get the police over to the hotel room of the woman before she died from an overdose) I found Mike and asked him how I could help him. He asked me for the number, and I handed him a phone book and told him to look it up -- I was busy. For some strange reason, after pretty much ignoring him and acting very put out by him from the moment I met him, he decided to ask me out on a date the next time I saw him. I gave him my phone number, for some strange reason, and he called me more than two weeks later. By then, I had totally forgotten who he was, and I made him spend about thirty minutes on the phone describing himself, trying to jog my memory. On our first date he told me how old he was (30, at the time), and I knew that there was no way I would go out with him again. I did go out with him again, though, to Portland to watch a string quartet at PSU, and experienced one of my most humiliating, most awkward moments on the drive home. I won't share what happened, but just know that it was a near relationship killer, and I, once again, didn't think we would go out ever again-- this time because of what a fool I was. So, despite our very strange, and, in my opinion, serendipitous start (Mike's going to get me on this one, as he will no doubt say that I shouldn't have used the word serendipitous, that it is not an exact match, definition wise, but oh, well) we fell in love and got married about 18 months after our first date, kept going to school, started a business that failed and lost a lot of money, moved several times, and eventually had a kid, bought a house, and then we had another kid. Time has just flown by, and I know how lucky I am to have my friend, someone who totally supports me in being myself and doing the things that make me happy, right by my side. I refuse to lie and say that these have been the best 10 years of my life. There were times when I didn't think that we would make it. Some years have been better than others, and I believe that most marriages are works in progress, constantly evolving, ebbing and flowing. I can say with honesty, however, that I have known more joy and more sorrow than I ever did in the years before Mike was in my life. Luckily, there has been so much more joy than sorrow, and I wouldn't change a thing.

How could my life be different?

1. I know I would not be as patient or tolerant. Being married has taught me to go with the flow and not worry about the small things. Most everything works out in the end.

2. I have learned that I am not the center of the universe. A big lesson I have learned from my husband is that my opinion is not the only one that counts, and that I can't just go do anything I want whenever I want without considering someone else. We are equal partners in our life together. He also will only tolerate about .7 seconds of any whiny tantrum that I will throw his way, so I have learned that they don't work, so I don't bother.

3. Mike has taught me that I am a good/deserving person just the way that I am. He lets me know that I don't need to be perfect, and that I shouldn't expect perfection from others.

4. He reminds me to laugh and not take myself so seriously. I can't count the number of times my husband has tried to joke with me and then said, "Amy, relax, have fun, smile!" I need those reminders quite often.

5. My husband has shown me, through example, that humans are capable of transformation and change. I literally watched Mike transform into a father, and become filled with love, the moment our son was born. It was the most beautiful moment in my life, because not only did I meet John for the first time, but I saw Mike become reborn through his birth. I can't think of that experience without crying and feeling grateful.

6. I would know nothing of real buttermilk pancakes, balancing a checkbook, Dostoevsky, tomatillos, English poetry, golf, frou-frou coffee drinks, and French films if it wasn't for The Dreamboat. The vast amount of knowledge that fills his noggin, never ceases to amaze me. He is one smart dude.

7. Mike, on several occasions, has forced me to step out of my comfort zone, doing things that I probably would never do if he hadn't been the driving force. Through these experiences I have learned that failing isn't the worst thing in the world, and sometimes you don't fail at all. Being afraid to make mistakes isn't a life worth living.

8. I've learned to repeat myself and to write things down. My guy has no memory for details (in other words, anything besides U2 song lyrics), and he likes to say, "Yes" and "Uh-huh" when he is crunching numbers from work. He also needs my help to find anything in the house. If I had a dime for every time that I have helped him search for his keys, wallet, sunglasses, etc., I would be living next door to Oprah by now.

9. Because of his age, I have learned that 40 doesn't look all that bad. He might disagree, however.

10. If I wasn't with Mike, who would I hang out with, go to the library with, watch my favorite shows with, call at work, run things by, analyze, complain about, cuddle, play the piano for, ogle over our children with, argue with, lean on, question, reminisce with, plan the future with, etc., etc., etc.??? And, most importantly, who would do the laundry??? Seriously, though, my husband is my other half. I feel like we have grown up together these past 10 years, and we are committed to staying married, through the good and the bad. He is my partner and my friend. He is the father of my children. He is it for me. We have seen each other at the tops of our games and at some pretty low lows. Last night we walked over to the park with the kids. The weather was beautiful, and John was running through the grass beside us, yelling for his dad to race him. Charlie was happily munching on the last of his ice-cream cone. I looked over at Mike and he was smiling. I couldn't help but tell him that I was truly grateful that we were married, that we were still together after all of these years. I love you, I said. And I meant it.

Amy