Sam's Birth Story, Part I -- Pregnancy

***Because I relish all of the details, and have difficulties being succinct, I've decided to divide Sam's birth story up into parts, increasing the likelihood that people will actually read it. Look for the rest of the series over the course of the upcoming week.***

Never has a pregnancy seemed to stretch out over eternity. Never has a pregnancy seemed to pass by in the blink of an eye. Looking back over the last 10 months, I am amazed at all that has occurred, and all that I have experienced and learned while pregnant and giving birth to little Sam. I am reminded of how ordinary pregnancy and childbirth are -- thousands and thousands of women experience it every day -- but also how growing a baby inside of you (a soul that started out as two cells), and then laying eyes on your baby for the first time, is the greatest miracle ever to be experienced by a mother. I feel so blessed to have experienced this miracle again in my life.

I wasn't thinking about the miracles of childbirth, however, when I was puking my guts out for the first six months of this pregnancy. I truly had never felt so miserable. Sudden movements, bright lights, or any smell at all would send me running to the kitchen sink. I honestly wished I could curl up in my bed, in my dark bedroom, for the rest of my life (or at least until the baby was born). Everyone I talked to said they thought I must be pregnant with a girl this time because of how much more sick I was.

I also heard from several people that the third pregnancy and birth can really throw you for a loop, so I should prepare for anything. I had felt so awesome after giving birth to Charlie, often referring to it as the perfect labor and birth, and felt daunted by the idea of trying to manage something that might be more difficult. Especially since Mike and I had decided even before I was pregnant that if we had another child we would do it at home, with the assistance of a midwife. While having Charlie in the hospital was just fine, and everything turned out great, my post-partum experience there was pretty horrific, and neither of us felt like it was the right place for us to have another baby. I found an amazing homebirth midwife, who had an equally amazing apprentice, and I started getting really excited about actually experiencing a birth at home.

At 20 weeks I went in for a routine ultrasound and was thrown my first "loop". The technician assured me throughout the screening that the baby looked great and healthy, but I could just tell that something was up. I had a nagging feeling for a day or so, and kept bugging my midwife for the report (for some reason it took several extra days for her to receive it). Three days after my ultrasound she called to tell me that I had a complete placenta previa. I was totally in shock when I heard the news. I couldn't get ahold of Mike, so I called my doula (and friend), Stacey, and just cried and cried to her about the idea of trading in my homebirth for a surgical one.

A complete previa means that the baby's placenta was situated directly over my cervix, which, if by 37 weeks the placenta had not moved, the baby would need to be delivered by cesarean section. Also, with a previa, there was a likelihood of pre-term bleeding and premature birth, as any strenuous activity or dilation and effacement could cause severe bleeding. I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. Not only was I looking at the real possibility of having a surgical birth (the Internet didn't offer much hope of a complete previa resolving), but there was a real possibility that I might have to go into the hospital for a long term stay if I did experience any bleeding and that our baby could be born pre-term, possibly needing a NICU stay. Interestingly, about a week before I found out about my diagnosis, a family friend had been hospitalized at 28 weeks for a complete previa. She ended up having to stay in the hospital for about five weeks before they delivered the babies by c-section. Mike and I started trying to make plans for what we would do if we were faced with the worst case scenario.

Around the same time, our youngest, Charlie, started experiencing some very strange health issues. He would wake up shaking uncontrollably, with muscle weakness and balance problems. This went on for several days before I took him to the doctor for testing. It could be anything to a strep infection to the onset of a muscular dystrophy. We had no idea. After a week of sleepless nights and so many tears, all of the test results came back negative. Although most of the issues had resolved, we still weren't sure what the cause was.

In the best of circumstances I don't handle worrisome news well, espcecially when it has to do with my or my children's health. Pregnant, with all of these worries, I was a basket case. I had a very difficult time getting my anxiety under control, and started to feel depressed. I didn't even want to read any of my birth books or talk about birth. When people would ask me about my pregnancy, I didn't really know what to say. It seemed like just when I was starting to feel physically better, I was mentally at my worst. The unknown of everything that was going on was more than I thought I could handle. My husband, however, remained optimistic through it all, encouraging me to have faith that things would work out as they were meant to, that all would be well.

Meanwhile, my midwives were also very optimistic that things were going to be just fine. My midwife's apprentice, Lennon, had actually read some research that indicated that my previa was in the perfect position to move. They encouraged me to visualize it moving, and suggested some herbs to take that had been related to successful resolution of the diagnosis. It helped to feel like I could actually do something rather than sit around for eight weeks waiting to learn my fate. Finally, finally, finally, at 28 weeks pregnant, we discovered that the placenta had actually moved (a full 7 cm away from my cervix) making it totally possible to have the baby vaginally and at home. I felt like those ton of bricks that had been weighing me down for the past two months were finally shrugged off my shoulders. I was elated, and actually started thinking about the upcoming birth, trying to connect with this baby inside of me for the first time.