Mama Nirvana

Happy New Year!!!

2012-01-25T09:50:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, I didn't get out a Christmas card this year, and I really regretted it. I even have all of the envelopes addressed, so I suppose they will be ready to go this December. A few technical difficulties caused a delay, and I couldn't quite put it together in time. I also will not send out a card without a family letter, so thought maybe I could take to my blog, and make a record of our 2011. It's a been a great year at the Aebi house, and we have much to be grateful for!

Our baby, Sam, isn't really a baby anymore. He turned three in May, and tries his best to keep up with his older brothers, and succeeds most of the time. He learned how to ride a bike with training wheels, flips on the trampoline, and can write his name. He started a Montessori preschool two days a week, and loves it, of course. Sam's favorite food is pretzels and Parmesan cheese (not together), and he prefers his dad to anyone else.

After a year of preschool, Charlie started Kindergarten this Fall! The only thing that makes it tolerable for him is that he gets to go to school with his big brother and ride the bus. Charlie spends hours planning things that he would like to do, movies he wants to make, games and machines that he wants to invent, and places he would like to go. He is always thinking. The training wheels came off of his bike this year, and he officially a speed demon! His favorite food is apples and he usually eats at least three a day.

This was a big year for John! Last year he became a voracious reader, reading pretty much anything that we find for him (Roscoe Riley's Rules is a favorite). In September, he was baptized, and lots of family came out to celebrate. John is a collector of anything -- a lot of which seems like garbage to his mother. He also is a master of origami, and loves to fold boats, boxes and fortune tellers. He spent weeks trying to create the perfect paper airplane. John's favorite food is hamburgers.

Mike continues to work at the CPA firm in our town. He enjoys spending time with his family (many of his siblings and his father live close by), and always looks forward to his birthday fishing trip with his brother, Brad. Speaking of Brad, the big boys and Mike went with Brad to Great Wolf Lodge this Fall, and are already planning a trip back. I don't know who had more fun -- the big boys or the little boys. Mike continued his second job over the summer, painting several houses, and also has begun landscaping our backyard, with the help of a friend.

Amy worked at the boys' school for part of the school year, as a school counselor. She also spent a lot of time writing cover letters and resumes trying to find a permanent job, with no success. If you know of a school that needs a counselor, please let her know! The job market in education isn't the greatest right now. Speaking of school, Amy also had to go back to school to take graduate courses in order to renew her license. While challenging and intimidating, she has really enjoyed the classes she has taken. In August, she went to Maui with friends. It was beautiful and relaxing, and the memories of her trip have sustained her during this wet and cold Winter in Oregon.

We are grateful for all of our friends and family, and enjoyed receiving cards and pictures from you over the holidays. We hope that 2012 is a peaceful and blessed year for everyone!

Much Love,

The Aebi Family
(photography by a greenfield photography)

Oh, Charlie

2012-01-10T15:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I find the most difficult thing about parenting is accepting that each of my children is a unique individual -- not a carbon copy of his siblings or his parents. Kids go through phases and do things that make us worry, and all you can do is love them and have faith that, in the end, all will be well.

This morning, like many mornings, Charlie begged to not have to go to school. He climbed into his bed and said he wasn't going. Couldn't he just stay home? Finally, Mike got him down and loaded him into the car, not before Charlie tucked a dollar bill from his Christmas stash into his pocket, saying that if he had to go to school he was going to buy himself a lunch (it should be noted that Charlie goes to school from 8-11 AM, so no lunch is served).

When I went to pick him up, he ran to me with a huge smile on his face, telling me that it was kind of the worst day ever (his usual description of his school day). He had bumped his head after recess. The highlight, however, was that he bought himself two chocolate milks at breakfast time (Charlie has never been to the cafeteria before, let alone eaten breakfast at school). He got them all by himself. He told me that he drank one right away, and was planning on giving the other one to Sam, but got really, really thirsty at snack time and decided to drink that one too.

Charlie has decided that tomorrow he would like to bring his 20 dollar bill to school so that he can he can buy 40 chocolate milks and share them with the poor people who are really thirsty and hungry. Oh, Charlie. I love him so.

Visiting Teaching, Answering the Call to Feed His Sheep

2011-10-31T08:22:00.000-07:00

I had the opportunity to speak at our ward Relief Society Conference yesterday about the Visiting Teaching program. I thought I would share my talk here.

John 21:15-17

15 ¶So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.

16 He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, ^aFeed my sheep.

17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, ^aFeed my ^bsheep.

This is a familiar scripture to many of us. I have read it countless times, but as I have grown older and have more experiences and responsibilities, I feel like I have greater insight into how the Savior was feeling when He spoke these words. This is one of his final visitations to his apostles. He knows that he will no longer be able to have an earthly ministry. He is totally dependent on his friends to continue the work that he began here, because he cannot do it himself anymore. The only thing I can liken it to is if I needed to turn the care of my children over to someone else, how much I would hope that they would continue to love my boys as much as I love them. That they would teach them as I have taught them.

Two years ago, in General Conference, our prophet said, “We are surrounded by those in need of attention, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, and our kindness. We are the Lord’s hands here upon the Earth, with the mandate to serve and lift His children. He is dependent on each of us.”

Many of us have been called to be visiting teachers. There is truly no other work for us to do, aside from mothering, that more closely models the life and ministry of our Savior. Visiting teaching is an opportunity to feed the Lord’s sheep.

When the Relief Society was first organized only four sisters from each ward were assigned to be on a “visiting committee”. Their charge was to visit every home, assess needs and to collect donations. Can you imagine having to ask for donations? I’m very grateful we no longer are asked to do that. It was Eliza Snow, the second president of the Relief Society, who emphasized a spiritual component to these visits. She also was the one who added Teacher to the title. She said, “I consider the office of teacher a high and holy office. You want to be filled with the Spirit of God, of wisdom, of humility, and of love. A teacher should have so much of the Spirit of the Lord, that as she enters a house, she knows what type of spirit meets her there. You may feel to talk words of comfort, and if you find a sister feeling cold, take her to your heart as you would take a child to your bosom, and warm her up.”

Visiting teaching is not meant to be a checklist of to-dos. Many times, after completing my assignments for the month, I have done some mental fist pumps and given myself high fives, thinking, (yeah, I’m a dork) “Yay! I’m done!!!” Yes, the part that I report is done, but if that is the only reason I do it, I am kind of missing the point.

The program of visiting teaching is not about seeing 100% on the monthly report. The beauty of visiting teaching is seeing lives changed, tears wiped away, testimonies growing, people loved, families strengthened, the hungry fed, burdens lightened, and those who are mourning comforted. In actuality, visiting teaching is never done because we will watch over and strengthen our sisters always.

Doctrine and Covenants 12:8

8 And no one can assist in this work except [she] shall be ^ahumble and full of ^blove, having faith, hope, and charity, being temperate in all things, whatsoever shall be ^centrusted to [her] care.

Not all visiting teaching experiences are wonderful. In fact, sometimes it is downright frustrating! There are sisters who are reluctant to serve as visiting teachers because of bad experiences they have had in the past. I’ve been there. I know it isn’t always easy. We may have a companion that we don’t have a lot in common with. We may visit sisters who have what seems impossible schedules to coordinate with. The sisters we visit may not be that excited for us to come and see them. Sometimes it can take a very, very long time to build a good and trusting relationship with the sisters we serve. But when we truly seek to love, care for, and pray for our sisters, I promise you that the spirit will guide you how to best serve her.

Many years ago, before I was married, I came to a place in my life where I truly wanted nothing to do with the church. I had turned my back on it, and never imagined being a part of it again. At that time, I was living in Portland, and worked someplace where an LDS church spire was visible from my office window. My angry feelings were so strong that my stomach would turn every time I saw it. Somehow, I’m sure because my mother called my local Relief Society President, I started to have some visiting teachers start to contact me. They left me many messages, and it was only because I didn’t have caller ID that they were finally able to catch me on the phone one time. I was too polite to tell them to back off, so I set up an appointment for them to visit me. An appointment where I eventually stood them up. I know I did this for months and months, but they were persistent. Annoyingly so. The month I got married they sent me a card in the mail congratulating me on my marriage. That sweet gesture guilted me into finally having the decency to be home for our scheduled appointment. What sweet sisters they were. They wanted to know all about me. They were not judgmental and didn’t pry. They didn’t burden me with all of the stresses in their own lives. They were down to earth and easy to talk to. They were women that I thought I could be friends with. I will never forget the end of that first visit, when one of them asked to say a prayer, and she then proceeded to pray for me, and it was then that the spirit touched me – the first time that I had felt the spirit in years - and my heart very slowly began to soften. They visited me several more times before I moved into another ward. Those sisters never knew that their tenderness, their influence and loving persistence prompted me to begin church attendance nearly a year later. They will never know that their willingness to serve, changed my life, and the life of my family, forever. Even though I was doing everything I could possibly do to forget about Him, Heavenly Father made sure to let me know that he had not forgotten me, through those sisters he was able to show me that He loved me and numbered me as his own.

Sisters, we are numbered, but are never just a number. We are precious and never forgotten. Every month I submit a list of names to our Stake President. This is the list of the sisters in our ward who were not contacted. Our Stake President doesn’t just want a percentage, he wants to know the names of these sisters, because he knows how important each of us are.

Our Stake Relief Society president has asked us to pray daily for our sisters. To pray for them by name, expressing our gratitude for them, and for blessings for her and for her family. Most importantly we are to ask for inspiration on how to best serve her. I have tried this for the past month, along with writing the names of my visiting teaching sisters on a card that I keep on my refrigerator. Every time I walk by the card, I am reminded of my sisters. I have been in absolute awe of how my efforts to serve have been blessed. I have also noticed that my attitude towards visiting teaching has improved, and I have more fully been able to follow the Savior’s direction to feed His sheep.

We call each other “Sisters”. Isn’t that wonderful!? I know some people have very complicated relationships with their sisters, so I don’t mean to brag, but I have the best sister in the world – only one – and I consider her my very best friend. Unfortunately, she lives 1000 miles away from me, and we can’t be there for each other as we wish we could be. We can talk on the phone, and do nearly every day, but I can’t be there when her husband has surgery, or when she has the stomach flu. She can’t come to my rescue when I really need someone to make dinner for my family, or keep me company when I’m feeling lonely and depressed. Many times I have said, when she has been sick or needed assistance, “I wish that I could be there.” And while I can’t be there, we are so blessed to be surrounded by sisters who can support and uplift us. I often think of my sister, Julia, when I am called on to serve, especially when I feel too busy, like I can’t fit in one more thing. I want to serve others, as I would serve my sister. I want to serve others as I would want others to serve her.

I bare my testimony of the sacredness of this work. I know that I am a daughter of God with a work on this Earth that only I am able to accomplish. I have a testimony of that each of you has your own divine mission. There is a reason that you are here at this time and in this place. I am still learning, but I have faith in my Savior and in my Heavenly Father, knowing that they will bless me as I am obedient to their commandments. I know that a way is always prepared for me to accomplish the tasks that They place before me. I am so grateful for the scriptures, which provide me with daily inspiration and spiritual guidance, and testify to the truthfulness that can be found within their pages.

I say these things in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Because I'm Too Chicken to Post this to Facebook

2011-10-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

I don't have daughters, only beautiful, smart, tenacious nieces, and I would never want them to think that they need to wait to be "picked" or chosen. I hope that they will pursue their dreams, with full confidence, knowing that love will find them when the time is right. I want them to own the orchard, not wait at the top of the apple tree until some boy comes along to choose them.

You know how much I love Feminist Mormon Housewives -- a lot of things there just really speak to me. Not everything, but a lot of things. Lisa designed this new tree, based on the one going around Facebook. You can go here to read about it. Yes, that meme really, really discouraged and annoyed me, but I'm not smart or creative enough to come up with the amazing parody that she did. I'll see if I can find a link to the original. Oh, here it is.

Sunriver Getaway

2011-10-19T19:44:00.001-07:00

We are so lucky to be able to go over to Sunriver every so often to stay in my in-laws log cabin. Because Mike works most days and weekends from late Spring to early Fall, we very rarely get to do anything together as a family during this time. This was our first family vacation (away from home) this year, and we took a long, long weekend right outside of Sunriver. The weather was cool enough to have the woodstove going most of the time, and the cabin was ever so cozy.

We did lazy things, like putting together a 750 piece puzzle, taking naps, relaxing in the hot tub and reading books by the fire. We also did a couple of adventures, going to the Great Obsidian Flow and braving the very bumpy drive up to the Lava Cast Forest and hiking around. The boys love playing ping-pong in the big garage (this was usually my reading time).

As the kids get older, I have found that our lives get easier, in that we can go and do things and it will be more relaxing and less work. It was very hard to leave the cabin, especially since we know we probably won't be back until next Spring. We're already looking forward to it!

Sunday Gratitude

2011-10-16T22:46:00.000-07:00

Mike left town on Friday afternoon with the two big boys, leaving me at home by myself for the weekend with Sam. Sam cried, and cried, and cried for at least an hour after they drove away, and didn't want to leave the front porch until they came back. "I wait right here," he sobbed. What a tender age he is at. I consoled him by taking him to the pumpkin patch, and he helped me pick out half-a-dozen green, orange and white plump beauties. I spent the weekend crafting for Autumn, and didn't get nearly as much done as I hoped, but I enjoyed the quieter, slower, and cleaner pace of it just being the two of us around here.

Everyone arrived home safe and sound tonight (I'm so grateful for that), and John and Charlie almost fell asleep in their meatloaf, they were so exhausted from all of the fun they've had these past few days. There is so much truth to the worn phrase "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." There is nothing like being apart to make you want to spend a long time looking at your husband, talking to him, catching up, because I sure do take him for granted most of the time. The house seemed far too quiet after two days away from my wild and crazy boys, that when they flew through the door, I was so ready for them to be home.

I am grateful for all of us together. The chasing and the chaos and the crashing and the fighting and the talking and the snuggling and the loving. I am grateful for my family, because they are mine.

The Piggies

2011-10-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

For Charlie's last birthday we decided to get him a guinea pig. He was able to go and pick one out of a litter and then waited for several weeks for it to be big enough to come live at our house. John decided to spend his own money and buy one for himself, and since guinea pigs do better with a companion, we let him. I can never keep track of their names, they changed them so many times, but I think they have settled on Chuck and Larry, although I couldn't tell you which one is Chuck and which one is Larry. John's has grown to nearly twice the size of Charlie's, and is definitely a bully, which I guess is normal for guinea pigs. One will emerge dominant.

A couple of weeks ago, about five minutes after the boys left for school, I went to dump a handful of lettuce into their cage. No one came out of their little house to eat, so I was immediately suspicious. I lifted up the house and only one guinea pig was inside, looking a bit off kilter (don't roll your eyes, but their little faces are quite expressive). Charlie's guinea pig was missing! I didn't even know where to begin to look for him. I called Mike and asked him where the boys had last played with them, as I had been gone the night before. He couldn't remember, but he did know that they had them outside at some point. I went outside searching for bloody remains, but couldn't find any. I came inside and started pulling out furniture and listening for scurrying movements. I cried, knowing that Charlie's heart would be crushed.

Several hours later, while cleaning the kitchen, I noticed a strange cat hanging out in our back yard. Not unusual, as there are about 20 cats that pass through our yard on any given day. But, 20 minutes later, and the cat was still there, staring at our overturned Little Tykes slide. He kept trying to put his paw underneath the slide. I ran outside, thinking I must be crazy to infer so much from a strange cat's behavior, and I lifted up the slide, and there was Charlie's guinea pig, Chuck or Larry, shaking like a leaf! He had survived a night in our back yard, with the cats, raccoons and possums that are our nightly visitors. I brought him inside, plopped him on the cage, and plotted how I was going to scare the crap out of the boys so they would never do it again.

Well, whatever I said didn't work, because that same evening Charlie forgot about his guinea pig again, and, after I screamed at him to bring him inside to his cage, I officially decided that I was not going to worry about the fate of those little piggies. I already have three little boys that I can barely keep safe.

Today it's about Leg Warmers (or Arm Warmers)

2011-10-12T15:25:00.000-07:00

Hop on over to our new website to learn how to make leg or arm warmers for your kiddos. Tomorrow, a recipe!

Short Sleeves to Long Sleeves

2011-10-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

Julia wrote the first real post for our new blog. What an awesome idea!

Announcement

2011-10-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

My sister and I have a little something to announce. After years of talking about it, and months of planning, we are launching a sewing, craft, cooking blog called Goober and Bodkins. If this is something that interests you, check it out and maybe follow us over there.

Sunday Gratitude

2011-10-09T22:49:00.001-07:00

I am grateful for my family.

I am grateful for buckets of apples and a late bushel of peaches.

I am grateful for spiritual promptings and chicken soup.

I am grateful for meaningful work and random acts of service.

I am grateful for smiles across the room and meaningful looks that tell me a story.

I am grateful for laughter and jokes among friends.

I am grateful for hand holding and woodstoves that are oh, so cozy.

I am grateful for the beginnings of bundling up and wool socks.

I am grateful for the notes that I take, because I can't remember anything anymore.

I am grateful for stretchy pants.

I am grateful for intellectual stimulation.

I am grateful for Trader Joe's and Pirate Booty.

I am grateful for down pillows and flannel sheets.

Baptism Day

2011-10-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

John was baptized on Friday, September 23rd. My parents and grandparents came, along with my brother and his family. My sister flew all the way from Wyoming with Sophia and baby Olivia. Many of our friends came to support our family in this step. My mom and Julia gave talks about the importance of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. I will never forget watching John prepare to go under water right before being baptized. He didn't plug his nose. I was so worried that he would come up sputtering, but I found out later that he decided that he didn't want to do it and planned to not plug all along. Mike made about a million biscuits for refreshments and we served them with butter and freezer jam. Words can't express how grateful I am to all of the people who helped make this a special day. I especially want to thank Mike for his support.

Birthday Party

2011-09-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

John had a weekend celebration for his birthday. You can't tell, but his cake was chocolate chip mint (the frosting looked like ice cream). Turning eight is a big deal in our family, and he was sure excited to reach this milestone. For his birthday he got a new bicycle helmet, a tub of marbles and a lava lamp. Exciting stuff!

Sunday Gratitude

2011-09-18T20:26:00.001-07:00

My oldest turned eight yesterday. I actually don't quite believe it. I wish that I could say that he is an absolute angel, but lately he seems as hormonal as a 12-year-old girl. It's pretty ridiculous.

Emotional rollercoasters aside, John is very special. Many, many times I have had people come and tell me that they have seen John do something very generous or empathetic. We are very proud of who he is becoming.

John loves to collect. Anything. Most of the time his "collections" are piles of things that he has found in the trash or on the ground. He collects bottle caps, paper airplanes, rocks, shells, pins, marbles, rubber bands and balloons. He has recently become a very skilled reader and loves to read chapter books about boys that fart and make big messes. He loves sports and is playing soccer right now. He graduated to a much bigger bike and can now keep up with his parents when we ride. He is finally eating normal portions and is hardly picky at all. It gives me hope for the other boys. John has a ton of energy -- he hates to go to bed at night, inventing a variety of excuses and/or ailments to stay up just a little bit longer and then is the first one up every morning.

I can't think of anything I am more grateful for than my children. They are my greatest treasure. Happy Birthday, John!

XXXVI

2011-09-12T20:59:00.001-07:00

"Never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved."
Thomas S. Monson

I am so excited for the upcoming year. It almost seems like there are endless possibilities in front of me, and I am open to all good things that could come into my life. This year, I have decided to choose a motto to live by. The above quote is my motto, and I will try to be mindful of it always, when I am parenting my children, building a relationship with my spouse, hanging out with friends, working on the PTO, fulfilling my church callings (jobs), doing my grocery shopping, etc.

I want to be more forgiving, more patient, more kind, more loving. I want to be more of a servant and less of a complainer. I want to spend the year laughing, playing, listening, and serving. I am filled with gratitude for the life that I have been given. I am grateful for my healthy body, my healthy children, and healthy marriage. I am grateful for the difficulties and challenges in my life, because I am learning to choose the better part. Because of this, I can be taught the things that I need to be taught.

Happy Birthday, to me.

First Day of School

2011-09-11T19:24:00.001-07:00

The boys started school this week. John began 2nd grade and Charlie is now in Kindergarten. This photo was taken before Sam realized that he would not be joining his brothers at school. It was not pretty when it finally sunk in. They are attending the same charter school that John has gone to for the past four years. It is way, far out of town, but it is a good fit for us. Last year John rode the bus both ways, but this year I have to pick up Charlie after morning kindergarten (yes, we only have kindergarten half-days out here in educationally deplete Oregon). I had intended to do Joy School with Sam for this year, but I eventually decided that this year we are just going to hang out and have fun without the pressure of having to be somewhere at a certain time. So far, I am realizing this is my best decision of the year. Sam has lots of time still to start pre-school.

Can you believe how big the boys are?

The Last Day of Summer

2011-09-11T19:09:00.001-07:00

The Friday before school started, on one of the many, many 95 + degree days that we have been having around here lately, I begged my friend Becky to pack up her kids and caravan over to the beach with me so our children could play and play, and I would have someone to talk to. She obliged, and we went to Whalen Island for the day.

I know I have said it before, but I love this place. There are no waves, no riptides, no steep drop offs, just lots of beach and shallow water. Actually, the beach got skinnier and skinnier as the tide came in, but Becky and I never had to move our chairs.

My kids LOVE to play with Becky's kids, and we practically had to drag them off the beach when the day was over and it was time to head home.

Unfortunately, I kind of forgot about the sunscreen (it was much cooler at the coast, like around 65), and I got a pretty good sunburn on my face and chest. I had the ugliest sunglasses lines on my face and actually was so embarrassed to go to Wal-Mart the next morning that I refused to take my sunglasses off when we were inside. No photo of that.

Can't wait for next summer when we can do it again. Although, right now I am ready for this hot, hot weather to be over so we can slip into Autumn. I am tired of being so hot and sweaty!

Charlie's Fifth Birthday

2011-09-11T18:55:00.000-07:00

Long, long ago, Charlie had a birthday. He turned five! I have a cookbook filled with beautiful pictures of occasion cakes, and everyone gets to pick the cake they want me to make out of the book. Charlie had his cake picked out for a year -- it was chocolate with chocolate ganache with raspberries on top. Unfortunately, the picture was of a chocolate wedding cake, stacked five tiers high, and mom could not deliver. He got over his disappointment when he saw the tall candles and then ate about 2.5 bites of his ginormous cake. Eating is not really Charlie's strong point.

Charlie is my sweet, sweet boy, with the tenderest of hearts. I have never heard a sweeter voice and he has the temperament of an artist. Very sensitive. It is hard to watch him grow up. I love him so!

I re-read what I wrote to Charlie on his half-birthday (six months old) and I am so, so grateful for this space, and the time I devoted to it. What a precious memory.

Sunday Gratitude

2011-08-28T16:48:00.000-07:00

Wow! I'm feeling a lot better. I'm so grateful for family and friends who know how to encourage me and help me to put things in perspective. I'm actually really looking forward to this year, and have faith that things will work out exactly as they are supposed to.

Here is a short list of the wonderful things in my life right now:

1. A happy husband who never fails to encourage me and support me.

2. Children who are healthy and eager to learn.

3. A sister who calls me every day.

4. An upcoming birthday and plans for a girls' night out.

5. Fourteen piano students!!!

6. A backyard landscaping project that is most likely going to happen.

7. A solo trip to the temple last week.

8. Berries, berries, berries! And peaches!

9. An ice cream maker that help me eat those wonderful berries and peaches.

10. An appointment to get the carpet cleans (been waiting all summer for this one)!

Life is good. There are always things to be grateful for.

Not Working

2011-08-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

This summer I applied for 10 different jobs. These jobs were not even long shots. I had the degree, certification, and experience (and more) that was required. I was not contacted or interviewed for any of those jobs.

A month ago I applied for a job that I had already done. Filling a position that I had already subbed for. I am the only person who had ever subbed for that job. I knew some of the people that were on the hiring committee. I was not contacted or interviewed. Tonight I found out who was hired for the job -- someone who was completing her internship while I was working in the job she was interning for. She just finished her degree with no professional experience, and she was hired.

I'm starting to freak out. I am panicked that I will never work again in the field that I love. I am terrified that there is something on my application that looks bad, that one of my references doesn't like me. In one year I need to complete nine graduate credits in order to renew my license. This will cost about $3000, money we don't have. Money we haven't had in all of the years that I have not worked. I wonder -- what is the point? Maybe we will be poor forever, never get out of debt. Maybe I will never feel fulfilled again, proud of my abilities. My confidence in my skills and talents are pretty much in the toilet right now. It is a low time.

This summer I started looking at jobs that would require us to move to another city. Now I am starting to look for jobs that would require us to move to another state.

I did not plan for this. I don't know if I ever would have quit my job five years ago if I would have known that this would happen. I was so naive. I honestly thought that I would stay home with the boys for 4-5 years and then find a job (where we live) when I was ready to go back to work. Silly me.

I think Mike is going to regret sending me back to my blog.

A Summer Gone

2011-08-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

Last night, Mike told me that I needed to start writing again. I have been meaning to, but just never have gotten around to it. And even though I have several friends who have encouraged me to return to my blog, I guess it was the suggestion of my husband that actually moved me into action.

It's been a fun summer. A cool summer (although today is quite hot), but a very fun and relaxed summer. I have taken a total of 7 pictures and 6 of those were during my trip to Maui.

I planted a garden. My first, as our backyard is very shady and nothing will grow there. A friend volunteered some of her yard, and we both took up square foot gardening. I planted peas, chard, onions, potatoes, beets, kale, eggplant, broccoli, spinach, lettuces, herbs, beans, zucchini, carrots, yellow squash, sugar pumpkins, cucumbers and tomatoes. Early on, my lettuces and spinach grew amazingly well, but as the summer went on nothing would grow. I did get some chard and a meals worth of peas. I have tomatoes growing, and hopefully they will turn red. I killed my potatoes a couple of weeks ago by burying them in too much dirt. So I wouldn't say that this year has been a huge success, but I have learned a lot.

We got a boat. My grandparents gave me their old boat. We haven't yet taken it on a voyage, but that is something we hope to do before school starts.

We went to Sunriver over 4th of July weekend. My in-laws have a house there and let us stay. I invited my parents along and we had a blast riding bikes, relaxing on the porch, playing ping-pong and splashing in the hot tub. We are hoping to go back in October.

My friend Meta came out for a visit and we were able to attend the temple together. It was a very special to spend so much time with her. The next day I met her in Corvallis and our kids played at the park and we spent even more time together.

We had a stay-cation. Due to terrible weather, we chose not to join Mike's family for a camping trip in Washington (they actually came home the next day because of the awful rain), so we decided to have a stay-cation instead and ended up having one of the best weeks we've ever had as a family. It was fun, fun, FUN. We spent a day in Corvallis at Wacky Bounce and eating out. We went bowling. We saw a movie. We went to OMSI. We hiked and had a picnic. We went bike riding. We went out to breakfast. We went to the beach and built a fire and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows. We played video games. We went fishing. At the beginning of the week we let everyone say the things they wanted to do and we fit them in the schedule. I hope we can have another stay-cation next year.

I went to Maui. For a week. By myself. It was heaven. I'm already planning my next trip (with the family next time, of course).

And now soccer has started, school supplies are purchased, and I recently bought 20 pairs of little and big boy jeans. Summer is nearly over. It's been a good one.

Photo Session

2011-03-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

It's been nearly two years since we had our photos done, and we are so grateful that Kim came back in town and we could do them again! Here's a link to more photos from our session.

It Was a Dark and Drizzly Day

2011-03-12T10:16:00.000-08:00

Bummed to be home today, after planning a trip to go visit my parents on the coast. Charlie came down with a stomach bug last night, and, even though I hoped that he was faking it, and gave him multiple opportunities to tell me he was feeling better, I knew we had to cancel when he kept taking breaks from getting dressed and curling up on the couch. He is now tucked into my bed, watching a Phinneas and Ferb marathon in between dozes. I've decided to tackle some sewing projects today to help myself feel better. Nothing like making things look pretty to lift the spirits! And the weather is terrible -- there isn't much else to do.

I've started working again. In January I approached John's school's principal about the possibility of them getting a counselor out at their small charter school. It is a K-8 school that has tripled in size in the past three years. I knew that they needed some help, but wasn't sure if he thought they needed help. Turns out he was very intrigued by they idea and I am now working out there one or two days a week. This next school year (2011-2012) was the year that I was always planning on going back, hopefully full time. I never imagined that when the time came, there would be no jobs for me. My town has decided to cut all counseling jobs to half-time, as one of their cuts to the budget, and many schools are opting to contract with county therapists for counseling services because it is cheaper. I really don't think people understand what counselors do, the support they provide to the administrator, teachers, parents and students. It is an important job! I'm glad that John's school wants to add one to their staff.

Mike is headlong into tax season. It was slow-going at first, and he only started working on Saturdays a couple of weeks ago. He does go into work at 4:30 in the morning and then comes home around 7 AM to have breakfast with us. Because he goes in so early, he is able to be home at 4:30 or 5 PM every day to spend time with the kids. I'm so grateful that he always puts his family first when it comes to his work schedule. We all benefit from his love and consideration.

My friend, Kim, is coming with her kids from Alabama this week. That means a couple trips to Corvallis for me and a family photo session. Putting together coordinating, but not matching outfits is seriously the most difficult part of photos. A stylist, I am not. We are also planning a trip to Maui together (with her sisters) for a wedding this August. I'm looking forward to pinning some things down, but not looking forward to spending the money. I feel kind of guilty for going without my family.

Enough for today.

The Way Things Used to Be

2011-03-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

In the first years of my blog, I used this space as a journal of my thoughts and observations of life as it was going on around me. For some reason, as time passed, I became more and more hesitant to share what was really going on in my mind. Aside from a couple of people, I never received any negative feedback, so I'm not really sure why I decided to reign things in and turn this space into a place to post pictures of family outings and try to come up with little projects for myself to do in order to keep this thing going.

I think I really began to fear hurting people's feelings or putting others on the defensive. While I tend to have strong opinions about pretty much everything, as I've gotten older I've mellowed out, and would prefer to keep the atmosphere light and keep everyone comfortable, rather than just vent. Sometimes everything feels like a touchy subject.

I feel like the past 18 months have been extremely life-changing for me. I have experienced so much personal and spiritual growth, and so many things in my life are different than they were before. There are things that I want to share, and I don't know why I am afraid to write them down.

I guess I'm thinking about writing a little bit more. Maybe I won't. I haven't decided. Maybe no one even reads this anymore, which is actually just fine. I'm not promising anything, just putting thoughts into words tonight.

When He's Away

2011-02-26T08:54:00.001-08:00

I think that I've finally grown accustomed to the number of Saturdays that Mike is gone every year. Last Saturday I decided to take the kids on a little adventure to pass the time, instead of just sitting around waiting for Dad to come home. I really wanted to find a pond with ducks that we could feed, but that proved more difficult than I imagined. After picking up some picnic supplies at the store, we head towards Willamina to a pond that I found on the Internet. The ducks seemed to have left for the winter, so we hunkered down and ate our lunch in the frigid wind. After a few minutes of braving it, we moved the picnic to the car...

and I drove back the other direction, stopping at a couple of parks on the way, hoping for ducks. No such luck. I drove on to Salem, and the boys got to ride on the carousel. They are all so independent now, that I find these types of outings much more do-able by myself.

Then we played at the playground for quite a while, and played I-Spy at the giant globe along the waterfront.

I think I might plan an adventure for every Saturday that Mike is gone. It definitely gives us something to look forward to and memories that we can make together.

We Interrupt This Blog for a SNOW DAY!

2011-02-24T18:27:00.001-08:00

This morning we woke up to about three inches of snow. School was initially only delayed, but soon was canceled. Everyone changed into snow coats, hats and gloves (over their pajamas) and were out playing before 7:30. Charlie quickly got cold and came in and helped me make breakfast -- hot cocoa and toast. Not the healthiest meal, but one I remember fondly as a child.

Blurry, blurry photo, but I had to get Charlie in there. Don't you hate it when you only take one shot of something, thinking it turned out great, only to later see that it didn't?

We make our cocoa from scratch, and it is super easy and delicious. I thought I'd share the recipe, in case you ever find yourself without your cocoa mix.

Homemade Hot Cocoa

1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups milk (or so -- I never measure)

Whisk together in a pan over medium heat, until ingredients dissolve and incorporate and mixture is steaming. Remove from heat and add a teaspoon of vanilla or peppermint extract. Ladle into mugs and top each one with additional cold milk. I prefer doing it this way, so no one has to wait for their cocoa to cool before drinking.

Hobbies

2011-02-17T20:03:00.000-08:00

John has become quite the yo-yo master. As soon as he gets home from school, he begins practicing all of his tricks.

And Charlie longs to be the Karate Kid. We looked into lessons for him, but they were incredibly expensive. My sweet friend gave me a uniform that her son didn't want and a coupon for six months of free karate! I love seeing that smile on Charlie's face.

The Eyes

2011-02-16T20:37:00.000-08:00

Steel gray and almond shaped. Crinkled in the corners. They sit just below my favorite body part -- his amazingly smooth, tall forehead.

The Rings

2011-02-15T19:57:00.001-08:00

The rings we never wear. I wear mine for a couple of weeks at a time, and then put it away for a month or so, and then wear it again for a couple of weeks. Mike has lost his at least 10 times, and then it is miraculously found. I think he is scared to wear it. I inscribed his with the words I Love You Always. He gave me mine in a tiny Italian Restaurant. You can read more about my ring and how it came to be here.

The Best Gift He Gave Me

2011-02-10T09:00:00.001-08:00

I suppose I could get all sentimental and say it was our children, but upon great pondering on the matter I realized that those three little boys were gifts that I actually gave him, considering the combined 24 months (2 years!) of swollen ankles, vomiting, and clothes that never fit. And don't even get me started on the whole gifting of labor and delivery and a bladder that still doesn't work right.

Moving on, truly the gift that has meant the most to me that my love gave me was a birthday present I received before we were even married. While we were dating, Mike lived in a small town and a lot of evenings we would go on walks together through the old downtown. And as it tends to be the case in most old, small downtowns, there were many, many antique shops to walk by. There was one in particular that had a lamp in the window that was always turned on through the night. Every time we walked past it, we would stop and admire how beautiful and unique it was. I had only seen lamps like this in pictures, and the light shining through the blown glass was just so beautiful.

Several months later we both moved farther north -- me to Portland, him to Longview. I'm not kidding when I tell you that just the day before my birthday I told Mike how sad I was that we had moved away, only because I knew that I would never get to have that lamp. The next morning, my love handed me a big box and inside was that lamp that I had loved and admired for months and months. I couldn't believe it! I was speechless! I was so excited and surprised and happy. And, amazingly, this lamp has survived to this day. Every time I look at it it reminds me of that time in our lives, and it just makes me very, very happy.

Who He Loves

2011-02-08T20:06:00.001-08:00

Charlie loves his big brother more than anything else in the world. He's pretty lucky because his big brother loves him back.

Two for One

2011-02-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

When We Met:We met in November 1997 and this photo was taken Easter of 1998. By then, we knew that we would be getting married, and we were, about a year later.

Love to Hate:

Mike is a coffee drinker. Something I was so unfamiliar with before I met him. It's not so much that I hate coffee, it's just that I hate the mess that it creates -- the grounds that spill, the stains on the counter, the millions of coffee cups that I find around the house. He gets so much joy from his coffee, though, it is hard to begrudge him his love.

What He Wears

2011-02-04T20:38:00.000-08:00

Yep. He's a big boy now.

How They Look

2011-02-03T16:36:00.000-08:00

My sweet peas. My greatest achievement. My source of joy and frustration. My little boys.

What He Does

2011-02-02T19:56:00.001-08:00

I decided to join in a photo project for the month of February. You can learn all about it here. Maybe I'll finally get my camera off of Auto Mode.

The theme yesterday/today was (I'll always post a day behind) What They Do. They, being the object of our love and affection. Yesterday I found Charlie doing what he does -- playing video games while surrounded by some trash of his own making and a pile of crackers that he scavenged from the cupboards. Pretty typical.

Best Buds

2011-02-01T16:07:00.001-08:00

John and Brody are as best of friends as best friends can be. If John has to stay home sick from school, he cries, wondering what Brody will do without him. They are two peas in a pod. On Thursday we had Brody and his older brother over to play for a while. I seriously hardly saw them, as they ran straight outside to the trampoline and jumped until dark, and then traded Pokemon cards until it was time to go. Brody comes from a family of three boys too, and I think that makes him extra special. Yesterday his mom took John along to the movies. She told me that she heard Brody in the back seat telling John that he was his first, second, third, fourth and fifth best friend. Cute!

Meet My New Frenemy

2011-01-31T19:31:00.000-08:00

My parents gifted me their treadmill, and it has found a little home in my laundry room. We have been spending quite a bit of time together these past few weeks -- although, probably not as much time as I should. My mom and I were trying to figure out how long she had had it, and guessed it was probably 10 years old, but I reminded her that I was running on that thing my last year of college -- 1997! So it is at least 14 years old, and still going strong, although it is a bit creaky. Kind of like me.

Growing Pains

2011-01-18T11:14:00.000-08:00

Just in the last couple of weeks it has dawned on me that this little catch I feel in my breath, or the occasional sharpness I feel in my heart, is me realizing that my biggest boy is separating from me. That he is creating this life away from me, and it really, really hurts. This year has been his first to be away all day at school, and he just loves it so much. He cried when he had to stay home for a day after throwing up all night last month. His two hands aren't enough to count all of his friends on. His greatest pleasure is riding the bus to and from school, and it just about kills me that he would prefer to wait for the bus on the sidewalk with his classmates, rather than sit in the car and wait with me.

Homeschooling him actually crossed my mind. I miss him when he is gone, we all do. I want to have more time together, to talk to him more during the best hours of the day, instead of only when his tired and needing a break. This separation feels very unnatural, because, of course, I am accustomed to being the center of his world. I used to be his best friend. My instinct is to keep him close, to protect him, to keep my eyes on him.

But that would be selfish. To keep him home would be for my own purposes, and not in his best interests. He is thriving and happy and loves his life. I am realizing that this separation is normal and ongoing. We are so close to our children, sometimes taking them for granted, during their early years, and then they start to, slowly, find their own way in the world. As heartbreaking as it is, I wouldn't really want it any other way.

Before and After

2011-01-10T09:40:00.001-08:00

Several months ago I bought this little ottoman at the thrift store for $3. The fabric was faded and stained, but the wood frame was still in very nice shape. Promptly after bringing it home, Mike stuck it up in the attic, so once the Christmas decorations were put away, I had him bring this down and I sewed a little slip cover for it in less than an hour.

Much better, I would say. I bought the fabric several years ago in Los Angeles, on one of my fabric district shopping trips with my sister. Some day we will get back there again! I had wanted to use it to make a valance in my dining room, but when I got it home, the colors were wrong. Luckily, it works perfectly in the living room. The best part is that the slipcover is tight enough that the kids can't pull it off. Brilliant!

Six Favorite Photos of 2010

2011-01-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

I tried to make it an even five or ten, but there were really six photos that I loved from last year. Looking at these, I'm not super happy that all of these are not candid. Those usually are my favorite, which tells me I didn't use my camera nearly enough. Definitely a goal for this year.

Ring Out the Old, Ring In the New

2011-01-05T07:40:00.000-08:00

I keep waiting to capture and download the perfect picture so that I can actually post, but this morning I decided I couldn't wait for that, and just wanted to write some things down. December 2010 started out as one of the most difficult months for our family that I can remember. I actually spent the first weekend of December sobbing, wondering how we were going to make it through the month financially and spiritually. There were many, many unexpected expenses, terrible news about some things that I held dear to my heart, and it all just felt like a lousy, hopeless mess.

As the month slowly trickled to an end, we were able to experience love and generosity that we have never known. The rush to help and uplift, both financially and spiritually, was truly overwhelming, and I finished this year with a surge of gratitude and humility, and, best of all, a renewed optimism for our life here on earth.

It is a reminder of how small things do make a difference. Listening and responding to our deepest intuition can have a huge impact on another life. Taking the time to be a friend really does matter. True, deep-felt, honest connections with others are the most fulfilling and are necessary to our existence.

I want to say "THANK YOU" to those of you that reached out to me, who lifted me up. I want to thank my family and friends for their ongoing generosity and support, who remind me to find gratitude when there seems to be nothing to be grateful for. I am reminded again, there are always things to be grateful for, and always more than we realize or acknowledge on a regular basis.

Prayers are answered, things work out, life goes on. Relationships are our most valuable possessions.

My Sweet Charlie

2010-12-22T14:35:00.001-08:00

Last week Charlie and I went to his pre-school's Christmas celebration. The invitation was very clear that I was not to bring any younger children with me (and I almost thought I wouldn't be able to go, after three babysitting cancellations), so he and I got to spend some wonderful time alone together. Pretty rare for the middle child.

This picture was taken about three seconds before Charlie was accidentally punched in the face by his friend standing next to him. There were some pretty elaborate hand motions for the song they were singing, and, unfortunately, Charlie couldn't recover. I watched him slowly start to cry and look miserably trapped on the stage. He kept looking at me, and I knew he needed me to come rescue him, so I did. I carried him back and cuddled him on my lap while we listened to the performance. Charlie whispered to me through his tears that he was "stage frightened". Oh my goodness, I love that little boy.

After the performance, we got to travel through the building making crafts, decorating cookies and playing games. It was very fun!

This one was a favorite -- a marshmallow launcher.

I'm so grateful that we have been able to send Charlie to pre-school this year. I've seen him grow so much socially and he finally likes to leave our house. I can't believe my little boy is so grown up.

This Town O' Mine

2010-12-15T12:28:00.001-08:00

Growing up, I lived in a town that had marshmallows for clouds and gumdrops instead of raindrops. Seriously, I look back on that place as as close to perfect as you can get. So many things to do, hiking and biking everywhere you looked, culture, food, shopping, all while staying a relatively small town. When I moved away, after graduating from college, I moved to Northwest Portland, in a top-floor, one-hundred year-old studio with bright yellow walls and floor to ceiling windows. It was pretty fantastic too. Five years later my husband and I bought our first home in the very small town where he grew up. And by "very small" I mean mini, teeny, a speck of dust. I never, ever thought we would still be living here, nearly eight years later. It is the longest I have ever lived anywhere. In my whole life. And, after eight years, I've realized that this is MY town too -- not just Mike's.

Let's take a tour, shall we?

This town o' mine has a downtown where no one shops and intersections that require three pages of reading to figure out how to get through.

This town o' mine has a restaurant called "Tater's", that serves a free Thanksgiving dinner every year. This town o' mine also is chock full of Republicans and church-goers. There is no public transportation in this town o' mine.

This town o' mine is nicknamed "The City of Trees", but the mill shut down last year and a lot of people lost their jobs. The biggest employers in this town o' mine is Wal-Mart and the school district.

This town o' mine has one of the most beautiful city parks in the state, and finally has new playground equipment so that children can play there. My little boys like to skip rocks on the creek that runs through the park and through this town o' mine.

I hope you've enjoyed a little peek into this little town 'o mine. Stop by again soon.

Some Questions

2010-12-13T12:28:00.000-08:00

Do people in Utah all go to the same orchard to get their picture taken? It is seriously bizarre that there would only be one good spot for a photo session in such a place. I saw yet another "same orchard" background in an engagement photo posted on the wall at church yesterday.

Why do some people never respond to email? Are they going to make me call them? I really try hard not to be annoyed when people tell me they never check their email. What? Is that even legal?

I'm kind of wondering how long a person can go without a car. I'm going on two-and-a-half weeks and there isn't an end in sight. It's not like I can walk anywhere, since we're averaging about two inches of rain A DAY lately. (This one's kind of rhetorical, as I'm sure I could go a long, long time without a car, but I guess I'm just really wondering how long I can stand to be trapped in my house before I set it on fire.)

How many times do you run your dishwasher a day? We run it at least twice.

How many cats are people legally able to own within city limits? I'm pretty sure our neighbor has 16, and guess where they like to come and find food? Yep, my back porch, where we occasionally put out food for our ONE cat.

How is it possible that I can limit my calories to 1200 a day, without eating any sugar or refined carbs and only lose one pound in a month???? Seriously depressing.

I guess I'm out of questions for now. Sorry for the cranky post (quite possibly because of my final question).

Around the House

2010-12-08T18:44:00.000-08:00

December snuck up on me this year. The first of December found our family very busy, so it only this week that I've finally finished decorating our home. For some reason, before even putting up an ornament, I decided to try baking my own gingerbread house. This ended up being much more arduous than I expected, and while I did bake all of the pieces, I still have yet to frost and assemble it.

This year, I think we may have found my favorite tree -- and the cheapest. It was $12! We cut it down ourselves, of course (that's what you do in Oregon), and the boys have really enjoyed putting on all of our handmade ornaments. I do not do a fancy tree. I prefer simple and spare. I did find a couple of large balls, which have nearly all been broken by now. They are too sparkly not to touch.

My favorite things are always the wooden Santas I brought back from Russia. I would seriously love to do another trip and just buy holiday decor. Amazingly my Matryoshka has survived three children that want to play with it.

Speaking of glass balls, I went a little crazy this year. In October I found boxes and boxes of 60 year-old glass ornaments at our local thrift store. They were a dollar a box. I think I probably bought 10 boxes in all. I kept going back and buying more. They are absolutely gorgeous. I've put quite a few in clear bowls in the dining room and then decided to hang my favorites from our front window -- an homage to my grandmother.

Now that decorating is over, it's time to finish up all of the gifts that I have in process. There is still a lot to be done, but I truly enjoy every minute of it.

Sunday Gratitude

2010-12-05T20:51:00.000-08:00

If I can find something to write today, one of the saddest days of my life, then I should be able to find something to be grateful for every day for the rest of my time on earth.

Thankful for our health and safety.

Thankful for a warm house and a furnace that is hanging on.

Thankful for long-distance phone calls.

Thankful for lots of things to keep me busy.

Thankful for seven crazy years of being a mom to little boys.

Thankful for $12 Noble Firs.

Thankful for my camera.

Thankful for 14 years of being in love.

Thankful for coconut oil.

Thankful for my husband's new bread-baking skills (10 loaves this week!)

Thankful for true friends, near and far.

From the Archives

2010-11-30T09:13:00.000-08:00

I get so many requests for this recipe every year (just got another one today), that I thought I'd repost it again as a reminder of the only thing your friends and family will want for Christmas. I actually scoured my thrift store for funky jars this year so I would have cool containers to put these into. And you know I would totally have a better picture if I took one this year. Man, my photos were bad.

Originally posted December 12, 2008

The only time I have ever felt like a homecoming queen or the most popular girl on campus is when I make these nuts. When I make these nuts my husband literally starts drooling and scours the floor for some that may have accidentally fallen. It kind of reminds me of the father in that movie A Christmas Story who gets kind of crazy at the thought of their Christmas turkey. These nuts have special powers and once people eat them, their lives will never be the same again. I haven't made them for a couple years, but still people beg me to make them any time I start talking about holiday cooking. They are that good and then some. My recipe is super simple and can be thrown together and in the oven in about three minutes. Both almonds and pecans can be used with similar results.

Sugar and Spice Almonds
4 cups raw almonds
1 egg white
1 tsp. water
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 tsp. salt
2/3 cup sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon

Preheat oven to 275 degrees (if using convection, which I highly recommend if you have it, preheat to 250 degrees). In a large bowl, beat egg white, water, vanilla and salt until frothy. Stir in nuts until all are coated with liquid. Pour sugar over top and then cinnamon, and stir until all of the almonds are covered with sugar. On two cookie sheets, which are lined with parchment paper, spread the almonds into a single layer. Bake for about one hour, until almonds are totally dry and slightly browned. Let cool completely and then break the almonds apart from each other. Store in an air-tight container for up to two weeks (they won't last that long).

Grumpy Gratitude

2010-11-29T11:29:00.001-08:00

I spent more than half the year devoting Sunday to listing out my weekly gratitude. This week I avoided posting anything because I knew I should probably write something about how thankful I am. Blah, blah, blah.

For some reason I just was not feeling it. We got a HUGE unexpected medical bill, our car is dying, our furnace is on the fritz, and I am in the process of giving up a lot of my favorite things in order to save money. Our bathroom is still torn apart, our carpet is not clean, and I am not happy with what I see looking back at me in the mirror (what else is new?)

I KNOW that I have so much to be grateful for. Our health is number one on my list. But for some reason I just could not snap myself out of my crappy attitude. It was a yucky feeling, especially when every time I logged onto Facebook or read a friend's blog post, my own immaturity was staring me right in the face.

I've realized that I need to get back into the habit of regularly expressing my gratitude, because, as I've said many times, it is not always natural for me to be optimistic and happy. I have to work at it. And, obviously, I've let things slide, big time.

So this week I'm going to focus on the good in my life and will report back on Sunday. You know I'll have a long list. My life is actually pretty great, even though I don't notice some of the time.

Around the House

2010-11-18T09:51:00.000-08:00

As I sit down to write this, the sky is blue and the sun is shining. Everything is drenched in rain. I think the valley got nearly two inches of rain yesterday. The leaves are falling from our giant maple and walnut trees, and the air is brisk. Mike and I say prayers of gratitude every day that our furnace, which is on its last leg, is still hanging on.

We love having Mike home on Saturdays. We never take it for granted with tax season all winter and then painting in the spring and summer. Last Saturday he in the boys worked for hours raking leaves and cleaning up the yard for winter. I caught the boys putting together this teepee on the patio. Pretty cool!

Every evening you will find me sewing, sewing, sewing. I love this time of year, creating gifts and pretty things for our home. It is so cozy to cuddle up under a blanket and stitch. I have many more projects to work on, so I have to pace myself. I've noticed a bit of carpal tunnel/arthritis in my wrists and fingers, so I must be getting old.

Isn't he the cutest? I have never gotten any of my boys ready for the potty until at least three, but somehow, without me, Sam has decided that he would prefer to be naked and pee in a potty or on the toilet. This is wonderful! He does not have any accidents. The only problem is that he absolutely refuses to wear clothes of any kind, including underwear. The other day, when it was time to get John on the bus, I had to force him into underwear and a coat, while he screamed and cried. As soon as we got back home he stripped down to his birthday suit. Maybe Santa will bring him some underwear that he will actually put on.

It's Five O'Clock Somewhere

2010-11-17T10:05:00.000-08:00

This month, due to budget cuts around here, we gave up our gym membership. I was pretty sad thinking of all of the dance aerobics and step classes that I loved so much (while my kids played in the childcare room across the hall). I logged many hours there in the past six months biking and running, while I prepared for my triathlon in September.

It is scary looking towards the holidays and not having a plan for exercise. I absolutely cannot gain any weight. I also have no plans to not eat at least some treats in the next few months, so I needed to find a way to exercise during these cold, dark months ahead.

I know I've talked about how I am not a morning person. I have tried morning exercise (before Mike leaves for work), and the only time it works is when I have a partner, which is not happening right now. I am notorious for sleeping through when I should get up and exercise. I'm very lazy that way. Our mornings are also much earlier now that John leaves for the bus at around 7:10, and I like to make his lunch for him and make sure his bag is packed with everything before he leaves (Mike always makes breakfast for the kids every morning). So mornings are out.

I do have a double stroller, so I could walk during the day. I'm not strong enough to run while pushing two kids, so I would have to walk. The weather is pretty unpredictable, and it always seems like one of them is sick with something. It is pretty miserable taking them out in the rain for an hour.

And really what I'm wanting, aside from physical activity, is some freedom. The rare moment alone. So I determined that I was going to have to schedule an hour a day just for myself, by myself, because no one else was going to schedule it for me. My hour is between five and six o'clock, seven days a week.

Mike is always home right around five, so I can leave right when he walks through the door. It is usually the time when the kids are the most crazy and wound up, because dad is home and it is time to amp up wrestle mania and tackle tag inside our very small house. It is the time of day that I used to dread because the noise level in the house is insane and I wished I could hide in the closet.

I look forward to my time all day. I love lacing up my shoelaces and getting my mp3 player ready. I start watching the clock about 4:30 itching to get out the door. I love my time so much, that I don't care if it is dark, I don't care if it is rainy and cold. I run. I walk. And I never come home early.

When I walk through the door, we're all ready to sit down to dinner (which I have to make ahead of time -- the only change I've had to make) and I am filled with energy to finish our day together. It's amazing what time for yourself can do.

LOVE

2010-11-15T12:29:00.000-08:00

Let me introduce you to my favorite etsy shop.

This is not the first time I've shared Crystal Beutler Designs with you. I don't remember how I first found her, but it was love at first sight. I love her style. I love her color palettes. I just love every single thing that she makes.*

Yesterday I emailed Mike the link to her shop because this Christmas I really want some earrings. Soon I'm going to cut off all my hair again and I want some beautiful, dangly earrings to wear. And he should get me two pairs, right? Because additional shipping is about a quarter. I kind of think it would be wasteful to only get a single set. Don't you think?

For Your Entertainment

2010-11-12T07:54:00.001-08:00

A friend of mine recently took a trip (it was her honeymoon, actually) in Australia, and she posted some of their photos to Facebook. She took some pictures of an interesting statue that they saw during their travels, and I thought it would be fun to share. It's always nice to start the weekend with a good belly laugh.

So here is the backside of the sculpture. What could it be? A father with his son crawling on his back? A Greek God and a child? The quote reads "Only if you want to be." Hmmmm. Let's look at a different angle.

Okay. Who is this man? Michael Jackson? Looks like he's trying to chisel himself out of his block of stone, but why? Who is he. Maybe the quote written below him will give us a clue. "You shall know the truth and the TRUTH shall make you free." Now I'm feeling more confused than ever. And what's up with the little boy in the background?

Ahhhhhhhhhgh!!!!! Did you hear me scream? What the heck? What I once thought was a cute little boy hanging out with his his Michael Jackson look-a-like dad is now an ALIEN? And not just any alien, but a teeny-tiny mini alien. What does this mean? What is the creature holding in his hand? This statue must have taken hundreds of hours to carve, and I can only imagine that the artist had a very specific message he wanted us to get from viewing his masterpiece. But I feel more confused than ever.

Help me out, people. What do you think this means?

What You're Getting for Christmas

2010-11-10T12:54:00.001-08:00

These are just a few of the things that I will be working on in the next 40 days or so.

I found this pattern at Design*Sponge -- a place I always visit for inspiration. I'm thinking this will be an awesome way to use up some of my cute scraps and give a gift that is actually very practical.

My friend and I are hosting an ornament exchange party next month, where everyone is asked to bring a handmade ornament for all of the guests. The above bird is what I'm planning on making. If you think the bird ornament is cute -- check out her advent calendar, my project for next year.

So what do you think of this scarf? I think it is genius and absolutely gorgeous! It will be my first time using elastic thread, and I think this will be the perfect project to try out a new skill. Several of you will be getting these (so maybe I should have told you to close your eyes for this part).

And because I couldn't leave out the treats, I think I will be making some of these for friends and neighbors during the holidays. As my sister says, Twix is the perfect candy bar -- a little bit of chocolate, the gooeyness of the caramel and the crispy deliciousness of a cookie. I couldn't agree more.

Around the House

2010-11-09T08:14:00.001-08:00

The weather is turning, and now that we have fallen back an hour, it definitely seems like time to cozy up indoors and settle in for the months of rainy, dark days that are inevitable in the Pacific Northwest. I can always tell the season by the amount of sofa cushions that are constantly piled up on the floor of my living room.

I am really enjoying this time spent at home with Charlie. He is my creative one, always coming up with art projects to do or music to play on the piano.

And then there is Sam. Sam is my most independent, strong-willed child to date. He must be doing everything -- HIMSELF. If I'm making dinner, he has to be stirring, if he wants a snack, he has to climb up and get it, if we're going out in the car, he must climb up into his seat and buckle himself. If I interfere in any way, he screams and cries, and then goes and back tracks to where I first tried to help and starts over doing it all himself. I've learned a lot of patience, and also how to stand back and let him suffer while he tries to buckle his carseat for the tenth time.

We just survived four days without Mike, who left the day after I had my back molar pulled. That night, I didn't sleep because Charlie came down with the stomach flu and needed lots of help, and then, unfortunately, I came down with the flu too. I seriously cannot remember a more horrible day for me, as I fumbled through, with no sleep, in blinding pain, and puking every five minutes -- all while taking care of the kids, knowing that there would be no one to relieve me at five o' clock. Things got better, though, and we all made it to Sunday when Mike got back from Arizona.

With all of this cozy weather, I have crafting on the brain. I can't wait to start! I think tomorrow, I might share some of the things I'll be starting as soon as I finish an embroidery project for the Primary.

Great Expectations

2010-11-05T08:25:00.000-07:00

I teach the seven turning eight-year-olds on Sundays. As of now, all of my kids are finally eight and probably the sweetest bunch of kids I've ever had the chance to work with. They are all super smart, insightful, and very kind to one another. We had an interesting conversation last Sunday and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

Our topic was forgiveness, and I shared with them a story from my life, mentioning that it happened when I was several years older than them, just starting college. To them, the idea of being old enough to attend college was mind boggling, and, of course, they can't realize how quickly that time goes by. Ten years to them is a lifetime -- and it is, because they haven't even reached that age yet.

After I shared my story, all of the kids started telling me where they would like to go to college, or what they want to be when they grow up. All except one. She asked me if she had to go to college, because she didn't want to. She wanted to get married and have lots of kids, and wouldn't need any more school beyond high school.

I immediately told her that she was much too smart to not want to go to college, and that she didn't know when or if she would be married and have children. I encouraged her to dream bigger, think beyond her limited view, and to imagine much more for herself. She could be whatever she wanted, not just a mom.

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I saw her crestfallen face, like I had crushed her dreams, and I realized that I had crossed a line, that I had demeaned a very important profession. Being a mother is an awesome job, something to look forward to, but I find it very difficult to encourage a little girl to only seek after that path, especially after watching several of my friends who have become wives and mothers at very young ages struggle with feelings of resentment and loss as they and their children get older, feeling like they have missed out on a huge part of their lives.

Obviously, I have thought on this often, wondering what I should have said instead. I don't think anyone should pattern their life after mine -- I've made too many mistakes -- but I do desire all young women to realize their potentials, abilities, and the opportunities that they have in front of them. Spending time as an independent self before becoming part of a duo and mother to many, just seems very valuable to me. I also know that I am probably different from a lot of other ladies who I attend church with, the mothers of these girls, so I probably need to keep my mouth shut.

More Than Just to Cook With

2010-11-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

A long time ago I wrote a post about my favorite beauty items. I highlighted my favorite body wash and lotion, raving about their scents. Well, this year I've decided to make some radical changes to my washing and moisturizing regimen. If you are at all like me, getting a shower every day is a rare event, and having time to lotion yourself up afterwards is a total luxury. I also have very dry skin on my calves and lots of little bumps on my skin, especially my arms. Every month a get some breakouts around my mouth, and I would say the skin on my face is combination dry in some spots and oily in others.

I've been using coconut oil for the past year in a lot of my cooking, having read of the health benefits of incorporating it into your diet. Then I started reading about people that use it instead of soap in the shower, and I knew I had to try it. Coconut oil contains high levels of lauric acid which is anti-bacterial, anti-microbial and anti-fungal, so it will kill off any yucky stuff that may be on your skin (like soap does), but it does not take away any of the natural oils that your skin needs to stay soft and moisturized.

I also started thinking about when my boys experience "baby acne" when they were several weeks old, and how our first pediatrician recommended Eucerin, a very greasy ointment, saying that breakouts are often caused by a lack of oil, as the body is trying to compensate for dry skin. Could I use coconut oil on my face also?

So, after making a friend promise me that she would tell me if I started stinking or looking like an oil slick, I tried my first coconut oil shower. This is how it works -- While I'm waiting for the water to heat up (obviously, I'm completely naked) I scoop up about a tablespoon of coconut oil from the jar and rub it between my palms (coconut is solid up until about 78 degrees, and then it starts to melt) I then rub the oil all over my legs, body and arms, scooping out more oil as I need it. Finally, I rub coconut oil all over my face and neck. Whatever is left over I rub in my hair. Then I get into the steamy shower and wash and condition my hair and use soap for my armpits and privates. When I'm done with that I rub the coconut oil in more, kind of rinsing it off a bit with water. I do my face last.

When I first get out of the shower, my skin definitely feels slick. But within minutes the coconut oil is absorbed and I feel amazingly moisturized. In fact, I've learned not to rinse off as much as I think I should, especially on my face.

I've been doing this for a little more than a month and the scales are off my shins, there are no longer any bumps on my arms, and I have had zero breakouts. It is amazing! My skin has seriously never felt this good. My friend promises me that I don't stink and that I don't look greasy. Here is a link to info about the benefits of coconut oil for skin and hair.

Also, my jar of coconut oil weighs about a pound and cost around $10. I'm thinking it will last for at least two months of showers, which is about a quarter of the price of how much my lotion, soap and moisturizer would cost for the same amount of time.

Any questions?

The Halloweeny Spirit

2010-11-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago Charlie told me he wanted to be a "Mommy" for Halloween. I tried to picture what I might dress him up in -- an apron? a dolly? a box of bon bons? -- so I asked him what a Mommy would look like. He told me that a Mommy is really old and scary and has white things wrapped around it. Okay, a Mummy! John said he wanted to be one too, so Mike and I spent an evening putting together their costumes, with strips of muslin and hot glue.

We had our usual Halloween party, with all of Mike's family and then some. It is always stressful for me to have our tiny house crammed with about 30 people, but it was a nice time. I made apple cider donuts (I usually make some version of donuts every year) while everyone was gone trick-or-treating, and I think it was my best batch yet. Maybe next year I'll get a picture and recipe up.

Between our church's Trunk-or-Treat and last night, we are overflowing in candy. I'm seriously thinking about replacing their pumpkins with a bag of satsumas, because they would probably like those even better.

And, can I just say how hilarious it is when an adult comes to the door with their non-walking baby in a costume, holding a bag for treats. I can understand wanting to get out there and experience the holiday with your child, but we all know who's going to be eating that bag of candy at the end of the night.

How Facebook Killed Blogging

2010-10-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

For me, anyway.

Years ago, long before I ever heard of a thing called Facebook, blogging was my respite, my favorite way of self expression. Being home all day was so lonely, and I had so many thoughts in my head that I really wanted to get out there. Always opinionated, blogging gave me the opportunity to articulate what was on my mind, day in and day out.

Enter Facebook.

Now, instead of needing to create an essay to say what I mean or tell everyone what I'm doing (with photos), I can just condense things down to a sentence or two and get instant feedback. It's so easy. It requires very few braincells.

I hate it.

I miss the fulfillment that blogging gave me. How smart and clever I felt sometimes, when I would go back and read what I wrote. I miss the real connection I felt with others. I miss spending time mulling subjects over, wondering how I could turn my thoughts into sentences. I miss reading comments.

Now that I am accustomed to Facebook -- the fast-food of blogging -- it's hard to get back in the blogging mode that I once was in. While my Facebook updates are only open to "friends", I like how blogging is open to anyone who finds you. I have only had positive experiences with that.

So, readers, which do you prefer? Facebook? Blogging? Or combination of both?

Elevated Oatmeal and Mud Juice

2010-10-26T08:58:00.001-07:00

Since having Sam, more than two years ago, I have been plagued with one health problem after another. Seems like every year brings an expensive medical procedure trying to figure out what is wrong with me, with no real answers. It has been sad and frustrating to not feel the way that I think I should be feeling at my age. I trained and completed a triathlon this year, and still feel sickly and tired. Next week I'm having a tooth pulled. What is wrong with me?

I've wondered if I am not getting enough vitamins, or not absorbing them, especially with the medication that I have been taking to help my constant stomach pains. So I decided to go off my meds and focus on healing my stomach and digestive track. At a friend's suggestion I've started on a "mud juice" regimen -- a health boosting concoction that is so nasty that I've had to train myself not to gag when I drink it down. Here's a picture of the quart jar that contains my daily dose of mud juice. I drink it in three parts throughout the day, followed by a chaser of water or orange juice.

This is a thickish drink that contains 1 part spirulina, 1/2 part chlorella, 1 1/2 parts non-alkalized, organic cocoa powder, 1 heaping tsp. cinnamon, 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper, and 1 heaping tsp. Dr. Christopher's Bone and Flesh powder. I make it in the blender so that there aren't any lumps. I have noticed quite a bit of difference in my digestion and overall health since I have started drinking it. It also really curbs appetite, so it is nice to drink if I am wanting a sugary treat. I'm excited to see the difference in my health over time. There are other things I'm trying also, but I thought others might be interested in the mud juice, as I really had never known about the health benefits of blue-green algae and cocoa powder.

I also wanted to share my new favorite breakfast. So filling that you won't want to eat again until lunch, and may still be full past then. It is oatmeal custard. Basically you are making healthy fiber-filled oatmeal and adding the protein of an egg.

In a small saucepan heat together 1/2 cup oatmeal with 1 1/2 cups water. Bring to a boil and then simmer for five minutes, stirring occasionally. Crack an egg into a small cup or bowl and scramble it with a fork. Using a whisk briskly stir in the egg into the oatmeal so that it doesn't have a chance to set (you don't want scrambled eggs in your oatmeal). Let simmer for another three minutes, stirring often. Add cinnamon and honey to taste. I like to add 1/2 cup of frozen blueberries to mine for sweetness and it cools down my bowl. Enjoy!

Took My Punkins to the Pumpkin Patch

2010-10-18T19:57:00.001-07:00

The weather has just been glorious! Perfect weather to search for pumpkins and gourds, climb mountains of hay bales, run through mazes, and go down the slides for nearly an hour inside a barn. My friend Kim and I took the kids to Setniker's Pumpkins last week, and enjoyed the sunshine and fun. I brought the camera along and took several pictures of our youngest children. Charlie and Jocelyn are the same age and have been in pre-school together for the last two years. Sam and Bryson are also the same age, and have a lot of fun playing together.

About five minutes after I took the above picture, Bryson fell chin-first into the wagon. As you can imagine there was a lot of blood and a very sad mama and baby. He very nearly needed stitches, and I'm happy to report that he is doing okay now.

While we were there, we noticed a little girl, barely three years old, wandering around, and assumed she was with someone (there were a lot of families there and a school). At some point a woman carried the girl over to us and asked us if she was our "Sadie". As were leaving I found out (by eavesdropping on a conversation) that she had been left there by her pre-school. They forgot her. The owners of the patch had to track down the bus by calling the school, and then they drove her out to meet the bus, which was half-way to its destination. Pretty shocking!

Longboarding with the Cousins

2010-10-16T15:33:00.001-07:00

We were so excited to have Joe and Jesse surprise us with a visit today. They both have started long-boarding and came into town to go riding.

They were sweet enough to spend a lot of time teaching John and Charlie to ride. I'm sure you can imagine how much they love/idolize their cousins. They have been their best babysitters and favorite friends. If my boys grow up to half as sweet as my nephews, I will count myself blessed.

Crafting -- Luminary Ghosties

2010-10-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

I had to share, because these are really easy to make (for adults and kids) and you really don't need any special equipment to get these done. Unfortunately, I didn't think to take pictures to do a step-by-step, but I trust you all's intelligence and think you can figure it out.

Here's what you need:

(not pictured -- half-pint jar and tea light candle)

- school glue (make sure that it says it dries clear)
- small bowl for glue
- sponge brush
- white tissue paper cut into two-inch squares
- half-pint or pint jar
- Sharpie marker
- tea light

Begin by pouring out about 1/4 cup of glue into your small bowl. Using your sponge brush, paint the glue onto half of your jar, top to bottom (I held the jar upside down in my hand). Don't paint the rim. Begin adhering the pieces of paper to the glue. Every time you stick a square down, paint it with a little glue. Continue until the half is covered and then start the process on the other half. Pieces can overlap and it is fine if there are a couple of layers of paper. Allow to dry for at least 24 hours. Once dry, use your marker to draw on the ghosty eyes and mouth. Drop a lighted tea light candle inside and watch them glow!

John's friend, who was over playing yesterday, said that he though these would look cool with orange tissue paper and jack-o-lantern faces drawn on. Great idea! I just need to hunt down some orange paper.

I really like this project because it was truly something the kids could do all by themselves (expect for the marker part). It didn't matter if the paper got clumpy because I could just paint glue over the top and smooth it out for them. Let me know if you have any questions.

This. Is. Serious.

2010-10-11T15:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I sat the boys down for a talk. I felt the need to share with them what has been in my heart the past week, and even though they are 7, 4, and 2, I knew that at least part of it might connect with them.

There is too much hate in the world. There is too much fear. There is too much us against them. There are too few people standing up for the downtrodden. There are too many children dying because the world is not a safe place for them.

Even though my boys are young now, and their world is very insulated from outside pressures, I want them to not be afraid of being a lone voice for truth. I want them to have the courage to not go along with the crowd. I want them to abhor cruelty and jokes that are at someone else's expense. I want them to truly understand that every person is valuable and special by birthright, and that no one deserves to be ridiculed for the way that they look, how they talk, or who they love.

Above all, I want my boys to know that how we treat others is the true measure of success in this life.

I think they heard me. I hope they did. Obviously, this won't be a one-time conversation, but one that we will have over and over. It is important for me to remember that my home is their most effective classroom, and that I am their most influential teacher (along with Mike, of course). Our homophobia, our racism, what we do and say when we think no one is watching or listening, is all there for them to witness and absorb. I will often overhear my children saying things to others that is word-for-word something I have said to them or around them, and it is not always something kind.

So, I suppose, all of those thoughts and feelings that I shared with them yesterday are important for me to hear too.

Soccer Boy

2010-10-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

This is our first year having a child in a sport. I picked soccer because it is in the Fall, so I hoped the weather would be better than t-ball in the Spring. John loves it, of course, but it has been difficult to adjust to the twice-a-week practices and Saturday games. John, who has never played before, has made several goals, and loves to run and run. This is the only good picture I have of him playing. It was his first game, and he was playing goalie, something he hasn't played since. His coaches rotate everyone through the different positions. The next week, it was POURING rain, but his game was not canceled. We were jealous of the other families with their sports umbrellas and ponchos. I can't help think of how much crazier it will be with both boys in soccer next year, on different teams.

Bottled Up

2010-10-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

Usually when I spend time away from blogging, it is because I have something I want to write, but worry that what I have to say will hurt someone, seem self-centered, or make me look bad. So I choose not to write. For some reason when I have something else on my mind, posting family updates and pictures seems nearly impossible.

As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, regarding my current age, I have a true desire to rise above petty feelings and to become a mature, self-actualized woman. Unfortunately, I really, really struggle with this. And, I suppose, if it were easy for me, I wouldn't need to set it as a goal.

In college I went three months without speaking to my roommate. There was a reason why, but, looking back, I can't claim that it was a very good reason. She did something that made me mad, and I decided that I wanted to punish her by withdrawing. I actually never resolved this situation. The semester ended, we graduated, went home, and all started our separate lives.

Obviously, grudges come easy for me, and I enjoy being a victim. I really don't like this about myself. Growing up has not solved this problem for me.

In the last couple of years I have ended some friendships. It's not like I came out and said, "Hey, you, I know that we've been friends for years, but you've really hurt me and I've discovered that we are not the close friends that I thought we were, so I'm ending it." No, I just withdrew, stopped speaking, as it were, and have stewed on it ever since. I stew and I stew, and I can feel these resentments hanging on and I'm not sure how to get rid of them.

Do you actually have to say something in order to move on? Can't I just deal with it on my own? How do I let this go?

Weekend Recap

2010-09-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

Our weekend was very busy, but very, very fun. On Saturday, Mike's brother took the entire family to Enchanted Forest. We all had a wonderful time! We went last year on the same weekend, and I really think that September is one of the best times to go there -- no crowds and cooler weather.

On Sunday, after church, we went to my parent's in Tillamook for a birthday lunch, and then went with my dad to the beach. This is the "pet" that Charlie found and begged to take home with him.

This picture does not even capture how truly big he was.

Above it All

2010-09-14T11:20:00.001-07:00

On Sunday I became the mature age of 35.

Thirty-five seems solid, wise, and not-young.

And yet I don't feel any different than I did at about 26.

As much as I want to be grown up, I still find myself succumbing to my own insecurities, getting hurt, feeling left out and even envious.

Thirty-five is definitely too old for such childish emotions.

This year I desire to rise above it all. I want to be kind, gracious, and grateful. I want to turn the other cheek, forgive, and to be amazed at my own amazing-ness.

In other words, I'm ready for my insides to catch up to my outsides.

Back-to-School Boy

2010-09-08T16:48:00.000-07:00

Or we could also title this post "When Amy Finally Figured Out How to Make Her Pictures BIG". If you want to know, please ask -- and I didn't use Photobucket!!! Now I just need to fix my margins.

My biggest boy headed off to school yesterday. It's a big deal because this is his first year being gone all day! His teacher told me in an email she sent before school started that she had been waiting to have John since pre-school, and I know that John has felt the same way. Mrs. Chavez is an amazing teacher, and I can't wait to see how this year goes for John. After much deliberation, we finally decided to keep John out at the charter school he has gone to for the past three years, and I am so happy with our decision. The school day is a little longer and the class sizes are quite a bit smaller.

John is such a special boy, and will be greatly missed by his little brothers and me during the day. Looking at these pictures, I just can't believe how big he is! He's turning seven in just a few days, and I think I'm in denial. Where did my baby go?

The Pouch

2010-09-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

One of the best things to happen this year is the birth of my nephew, Duke. He is seriously the sweetest, cutest baby ever, and it has been wonderful to see my sister-in-law, Becky, blossom into such a beautiful mother. When they were over about a month ago I pulled out all of my carriers thinking that my much-loved pouch might just fit her. It did, and we snuggled Duke right in! By dinnertime he fell asleep in there.

I used this pouch so much. Charlie practically lived in there for nearly a year.

With John's birthday approaching, I just am really feeling the amazing speed that our life is passing us by. I am about to have a seven year old and first grader. When we moved into this house he couldn't walk!

It's good to see this picture for other reasons. I'm contemplating another short hair cut. It doesn't seem like a good idea after seeing this photo.

Beyond Sticks and Snails and Puppy-Dog Tails

2010-09-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday John had a playdate with a friend from school, another family with three boys. When his mom dropped him off, we spent a good 30 minutes talking on my front porch, while her boys hung out the windows of her car and my boys ran circles in the front yard. We talking about a million things, but I had to tell her that I love to talk to people that have only boys, because very few people can understand what that is like. When Mike and I got married, his sister had three little boys that were my boys' age now. She would laughingly tell me about the atrocities they committed and how their invitations to dinner pretty much dried up by the time her middle was three. A lot of people cannot handle the whirlwind, the noise, and physicality of three boys all together. But when you are the parent, you don't have a choice, the chaos becomes your life, and you choose to relish it or to become very cranky.

Growing up, I was always the one who hated it when my siblings got too rough or too loud. I would often start crying if they jumped too hard on the trampoline or messed up my orderly desk. I loved the quiet. I loved order.

Flash-forward 20 years and my life is far from quiet or orderly. It is downright wrestle-mania every day of the week. My yard is covered is make-shift weapons and giant sticks, my boys use ME as a trampoline and crash pad. My hallway is a race track, their bedroom a jungle gym. The bathrooms are covered in muddy foot and handprints, and it shouldn't be surprising that they don't always pee directly into the toilet.

Boys...

Have 101 words for "fart"
Pee anywhere
Are obsessed with their penises
Make anything into a gun
Will break all of your treasures, usually by kicking a ball in the house
Can dig and dig and dig and dig
Could throw rocks into a body of water for eternity
Could throw rocks just about anywhere for eternity
Love sticks -- the bigger the better
Relish in all of their bodily functions
Don't need to have their hair fixed (or even combed)
Have the volume turned way up
Run instead of walk
Will find the most dangerous thing in the vicinity and immediately try to master it
Find the cleanest room in the house and immediately destroy it

Having boys is definitely an adventure, and one that I never expected to be on. It has taught me to let go and not try to control everything, and that I need to have more fun! It has taught me that having matchbox cars in every corner and crevice of my home is okay and normal for this stage of my life, and that any of my breakable treasures need to be stored in the attic for at least 10 more years. I understand if you would prefer not to have us over, believe me, but if you come for a visit be prepared to be jumped on, burped at, and to trip on a train track.

Our Favorite (and Secret) Place at the Beach

2010-08-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

On a very hot day in the valley, we decided to head to the beach to cool off. We were met with temperatures that were barely 60, and no wind. We happily passed through crowded Pacific City and Cape Kiwanda and made our way to our favorite spot on the beach. Whalen Island seems to be a well-kept secret, because we were one of just a couple of families enjoying this secluded spot. If you want to be able to watch the crashing waves, this place isn't for your. I actually love it because it is more of a bay, so I don't have to worry about the kids getting knocked over. The water was warm too, because it is so shallow. We actually spotted a group of older kids swimming in quite a deep pool left behind by the tide -- it must have been at least four feet deep in the center and thirty feet wide.

Of course, there was much shell gathering. We've collected quite the pile of shells at home.

Silly boys! Charlie came up with this one all on his own. Everyone played so hard that they ate a huge meal at a restaurant that we stopped at and fell asleep in the car. John and Charlie slept so hard that when we brought them inside they slept for another two hours on the sofas. What a perfect day!

Baker for Hire

2010-08-25T13:50:00.001-07:00

Last week a friend called and asked if I would bake a cake for her husband's birthday. Over the years I have made her a cake and cupcakes for her birthday, and her husband always enjoyed them, so this time she wanted to surprise him with his own. I have never sold a cake before, mostly because, while I know my cakes taste really good, they never seem to look very professional. I was really nervous, especially because on the morning of frosting and assembly, the temperature was nearing 100 degrees in my kitchen. I was happy to hear later on that day that they really liked the cake -- it was a four-layer chocolate cake with a whipped cream/cream cheese filling and chocolate ganache frosting. I would have been happy if someone presented me this cake on my birthday.

The Backyard Playground

2010-08-23T14:51:00.001-07:00

About two years ago, Mike's brother, Brad, relocated to a new home outside of Olympia, Washington. This huge playset came with the house, but they don't have any children. For two years they patiently waited for my husband to go up and get it from them, but finally, in an act of angelic proportions, Brad took it apart, drove it down a couple of weeks ago and helped Mike put it together.

The boys have been in heaven. I was worried that it wouldn't fit, but it luckily our yard is large enough to accommodate it. The structure has, besides the swings, a rock wall, a rope ladder, a pulley that goes up to the fort and a picnic table down below where the boys have enjoyed their lunches many days.

Thanks sooooooo much, Uncle Brad.

I'm a Mormon. Yes, I Am.

2010-08-19T09:06:00.001-07:00

Joy Monohan. Professional Longboarder and a Mormon.

The other night I stayed up way too late watching videos at Mormon.org. These three-minute mini-documentaries are all part of a new marketing campaign created by my church to show the world that Mormons are actually more diverse than you might expect. It has been interesting to read others' reactions to these videos, where working moms, motorcycle riders, skateboarders, and artists are portrayed as just your everyday, average Latter-Day Saint.

For a long time I've tried to tell my husband that Mormons aren't all White Republican dentists, but he hasn't really believed me. There is definitely a stereo-type out there of what real Mormons are supposed to be like. I think deep-down most church members know that we are a varied group, most of us don't even live in the United States, but in our our local wards we can kind of seem like cookie cutters of each other.

I actually am very fascinated by this perspective and would love to hear some of your thoughts.

I wish a knew a videogapher, because I would love to make a movie of my family. Just a regular family that loves to be together, busy and crazy, but we are a little bit different. My husband isn't LDS. That doesn't make us sad or think that our life is awful. Our lives may not be typical within the Mormon culture, but we make it work, and work well. We are happy. I want the world to know that.

Sickie-poos

2010-08-18T16:40:00.000-07:00

We've all been sick this week -- stuffy noses, clogged sinuses, and I have yet another ear infection. Monday night Mike came down with it really bad. He went to bed early and in the morning called in sick to work. At about 7:58 am I walked into our bedroom, where he was in bed trying to sleep and said, "Well, it's almost time for me to get to work. I'm sorry you're so sick, but I'm sure you'll be fine taking care of the kids and making our meals, and picking up last night's mess. I hope you feel better soon, poor thing." Mike turned over to look at me with a confused and groggy face. "Just thought you might like to get a little glimpse into what it's like to be me," I said.

I don't think he thought it was funny.

On My Mind

2010-08-11T08:14:00.001-07:00

I have been sewing up a storm lately -- curtains, aprons, pillows, and even a pair of linen culottes (remember those things?), but ever since I saw the cover of this book I have started fantasizing about embroidery again. Embroidery seems like such a cold weather activity, and I haven't done it in a while and have missed it. I actually have a stack of cloth napkins that I'm thinking of embroidering with little birds and bees and flowers, but I have this stack of fabric to get through, so it might be a couple months before I start. Maybe I just need to start embroidering what I sew (see above pic) and I will be totally satisfied. But then I probably would get nothing else done, which actually doesn't sound all that bad.

Summer So Far

2010-08-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

Let me recap our summer so far: I worked up until the last day of school, and the following day, Saturday, my sister arrived from Wyoming with her three girls. We were so excited to have them stay with us -- and they were at my house for more than a week! A few days after they left for their in-law's, we all headed to a beautiful home in Lincoln City for a family reunion. It was heavenly! The kids played in the hot tub hourly and we had many walks on the beach. I am so grateful to my parents for making that get-together possible. A week later, I packed up the car and drove with the boys to Wyoming. Julia and I traveled together, and it was two twelve-hour days of driving. Crazy! We stayed in Cheyenne for two weeks before I drove back home. The boys did pretty well, considering the long days. We were so happy to be home! And Mike was probably even more happy to have us home!!! Now I'm enjoying this last month of summer, without much of a schedule, relaxing with the boys and not doing too much.

Here are some pictures:

Happy Birthday, Sophia!

Cheese!

Cheesier!

Julia and Daniel making tie-dyed t-shirts at the house in Lincoln City.

Cheering for a World Cup game.

The Lovebirds

Besties. Seriously, these two always played perfectly together. Much better than the big kids!

Cousins

Uncle Cameron

Charlie

Boy Number Three

2010-08-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

What can I say about Sam? He is my baby that is growing into a big boy. He uses every moment of his day to express his independence, talking in sentences, climbing to the top of everything, wanting to do it all by himself. He can be so stubborn at times, throwing fits like I have ever seen, but there is something about him that just melts my heart and fills me with love. He hates nursery, and lays in the corner on a pile of blankets for the entire two hours, sometimes falling asleep, until I come and get him. He sleeps so well that I'm not willing to mess with it, so he still gets a bottle and binky to sleep. He loves books and hates riding in the stroller -- he wants to walk everywhere. He hates being left out by the big boys and truly thinks that he is about five years older than he actually is. On Sunday I took him to the park and watched him climb the 10 foot rock wall over and over. My baby seems to be nearly gone.

John's Graduation

2010-08-01T20:48:00.000-07:00

Proof of how behind I am -- about two months now. I still cannot believe that I am the mother of a future first grader, that next year my biggest boy will be away from home all day. John was so excited to graduate, and you can see the adorable t-shirts that his class made to wear to graduation.

John's absolutely gorgeous teacher, Ms. Johnson, had very high expectations of the students this year, and John had writing homework every night. It paid off, though, and John's writing was much improved by the end of the year. Kind of reminds me that I should have him practice a bit this summer.

I am so proud of John, and am so happy that he loves school and learning. He developed a more relaxed attitude as the year went on, that I know will help him adapt more quickly next year. I just love him so much!!!

What's In the Box?

2010-07-29T14:39:00.000-07:00

For years I have wanted to join a CSA, but it was never in the budget. But this year, since I was able to go back to work for a several months, we finally were able to afford five months of weekly vegetable boxes. I would definitely prefer a garden, but this is the next best thing. I especially like that I am forced to try things that I would never think to buy or grow myself. This is a picture of the first box that we got, and the first several weeks were lots of greens. I had never eaten so much kale and greens before. They were delicious! Now we are starting to see some other vegetables and even tomatoes and cherries.

The CSA that we joined is called Your Hometown Harvests and is located in Independence, only a few miles away. We've been very pleased.

Some Things I Don't Want to Forget

2010-07-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

How John calls Charlie "Char" when talking to him.

The golden color of Sam's halo of hair. I have never seen a color like it, and I have still to cut it even though it is so, so long.

That it is no fun to live without a bathtub. We've been repairing the surround in our front bathroom, with the only bathtub, for nearly two months now. I want to remember this before we consider another bathroom remodel. Poor Sam is not enjoying his daily shower.

How much I appreciate the abundance of produce that is readily available here during the summer months. Nothing like a trip to Wyoming for me to realize that we have it pretty good over here. The first thing I did when I got home was go pick blueberries and then raspberries the next day.

That I should never try to take three boys swimming by myself, because it is very likely that one of them will drown. Rescuing Sam twice after he jumped into deep water, was definitely not a highlight of my summer.

I hope that I remember that even though I apparently have a very hard head, I should treat it with care (and possibly wear a helmet at all times). After three terribly painful head bumps this summer, I'm ready for a break from my clumsiness.

That I hate cats, and should not ever, ever, ever be lured into the adorableness of kittenhood. New neighbors moved in with at least six cats, and it feels like my backyard has become a kitty lounge. I've contemplated boxing them up and taking them for a drive to Rickreall.

How much I adore my husband -- his goofy sense of humor, his super-smarts, his tireless love of our children and our life together. After eleven years, I still can't enough of that man.

That things are never as difficult as you think they will be, and that life is never exactly as you think it should be.

Is Today the Day?

2010-07-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

For the past several days I have been opening up blogger thinking I am going to post something, but for some reason I chicken out. I write things in my head to share, but then when it comes to actually doing it I think that there is no purpose to writing my thoughts down, that they are boring or stupid or self-centered.

But tonight I am caving and going to write something. Just a little something to maybe start things on a roll. I have so much to post about the past several months, so much has happened!

So hopefully I'm breaking the ice tonight and tomorrow I'll have something with pictures up, and then my husband will stop nagging me to change the scenery around here.

Saying Something

2010-06-10T21:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received one of those forwarded emails. You know one of those things that always seems to end up in your inbox, usually sent by the same person day after day. Some of the forwards that I get are meant to be funny, or thought-provoking. Some are of a political nature. I pretty much delete all of the forwards that I get, without even looking them over, but this time I decided to glance through, based on the subject line. Hmmmmm. I did not like what I read. It grated against my own personal and political sensibilities, and it made me feel depressed.

This time, for some reason, I decided to reply to the sender to tell her to take her off her list. That, no offense, we are on opposite sides of the fence, and I just don't want to have to read her stuff. She was nice in her reply, loving even, and I felt really glad that I said something, rather than just remain silent.

I struggle with this a lot. I listen to conversations that are so far away from my own thinking, and I just don't feel like I can speak up. I worry that if I say something people will look at me funny or will stop allowing their children to play with my children. I grumble inside my head, vent to long-distance friends on the phone, but just don't really have the courage to share my own thoughts.

Those of you that know me well are probably thinking that this is crazy talk, that I have never been someone to sit quietly by, and not make my own feelings clear as day. This is very much the case with my closest friends, those that know me through and through. But it is the people that I live with every day, my neighbors, my fellow church-goers, that I feel timid around. What would they do if they really knew how I felt about our country, our president, our future as a society?

I'm starting to think that maybe it is time to speak up a little bit more. Silence is implicit, and that is not right. Maybe there are others who are sitting there silently, developing arguments in their head that they will never utter out loud. Surely I'm not the only one.

And My Baby Turns Two!!!

2010-06-08T16:15:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago Sam turned into a two-year-old. I seriously cannot believe it! These past two years have flown by for me, and he hardly looks like a terrible two-year-old, so I am totally in denial. I had to work the day of his birthday, and he was very tired when I picked him up from the babysitter's, so we quickly had dinner and cake before he went to bed. The Saturday before I took him to the store to pick out his own birthday presents. All he wanted were balls of various sizes, but I also got him some bubbles and a book. It is definitely a fun age for gifts!

Sam is a precious little adventurer. He will entertain himself outside for hours at a time, talks in sentences, and gives the best little hugs and kisses. We love him so much! Happy Birthday, Sammy!

Relay For Life 2010

2010-06-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

In January 2009, our family received the terrifying news that Mike's sister, Kelly, had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. As with any cancer diagnosis, the future can seem very uncertain, and we all had no idea what to expect. She began treatment, and responded well! One year ago she was determined to be cancer free!!! In two more years (three years total) the chances of her cancer returning are next to none, and we all look forward to the party we will have then.

Kelly invited us to walk with her at the Polk County Relay for Life. Most teams walk for 24 hours, a reminder that cancer never sleeps. We walked for about two hours with the baton.

There was quite a large gathering, music, and speakers. Charlie is currently in love with this little bear that he has named "Teddy".

Go Team Kelly! We are all so proud of her, and pray for her continued good health!

Memorial Day

2010-06-02T21:37:00.000-07:00

Mike grew up about a quarter mile from this cemetery, and most of his ancestors that have passed in the last 100 years are buried here. We brought flowers for his Grandma's grave (the only one who isn't an Aebi) because his mother worried that no one else would. She was right -- as there were many other fresh flowers on the other graves we visited. It is very beautiful and peaceful there. I was a little worried about how the visit would affect Charlie, he's been obsessed with death and dying lately, but he just asked his normal questions.

It's very peaceful and serene there.

Sunday Gratitude

2010-05-30T22:22:00.000-07:00

John, May 2010 -- He may not look it, but he was so excited
to finally have a tie to wear to church.

Well, my job will be coming to an end in the next couple of weeks, so maybe I will actually have time to post to my blog. I've missed writing and taking pictures, and I've missed the connection with my friends. I didn't want to miss today's gratitude post, though, because I just find that my days go better when I acknowledge all that is good in my life.

I am grateful that we are finally tackling some home improvement projects. Mike and I have a tendency to think about things a lot before we move into the action stage, and the other day I just felt like six years was long enough to think about something, and time to actually dive in and do it. So yesterday I ripped off the circa 1962 laminate countertops in our front bathroom (it took about four hours to chisel it off), and today I began laying down tile. Hopefully I will be done by tomorrow evenings. Mike is painting our living room as we speak. He is not a night person, so he is being very generous. I have quite a bit of redecorating planned for that room, and new, brighter paint, is the first step. I can't wait!

I am so, so, so grateful that my parents decided to come over this afternoon. It is not that often that we get to spend such undivided time with them, when they aren't on a schedule. I loved cooking for them, and watching my dad play for hours with the boys. They have missed their Haba like crazy! I am so blessed to have parents that are such wonderful people, people that I love to spend time with and are so great to have around.

I am grateful that I am starting to feel like I might recover from this awful cold that I came down with. It started as allergies (the cottonwoods are infesting our yard), and turned into a terrible sinus attack. I can finally breathe again, and am starting to get my voice back. I seriously could not talk for two days.

I am grateful that I had the luxury of going with John on his class's field trip to the zoo. I had to pay a babysitter for the day, and take the day off of work, but it was so worth it to get so much time with him. We both had a wonderful, relaxing time. It actually rained for most of our time there, but it honestly wasn't that bad. A lot of the animals seemed to enjoy the wet weather!

I am grateful for three healthy boys that are smart and funny and give me kisses and hugs when I ask for them, and even sometimes when I don't ask for them. I am understanding more and more how precious this time with them is, that they won't always want to spend all of their time with me and think of me as their best friend. I love them so much!

Charlie's Birthday

2010-05-25T13:09:00.001-07:00

Charlie's birthday was early in the month. Because Mike had to work much of the weekend of his birthday, we celebrated at the "Pizza Place" (also know as Abby's, but the kids have given it their own name), where he ate a couple of bites of pizza and then spent $5 in quarters on the video games they have there. It was so nice that my mom was able to come and meet us. On Sunday we went to a Mother's Day barbecue at my in-laws and there we all got to eat cake and celebrate Charlie's birthday again.

Charlie is a special boy, so different than his brothers. He is very, very serious a lot of the time, always thinking very deep thoughts that he loves to share with me. He loves being with his family and would prefer to be at home much of the time; going to do anything on his own is very difficult. Charlie is quite musical, often performing songs on the piano, harmonica and recorder.

I can't believe he is FOUR! I love him so much, and am so grateful that he is in our family!

The Cake

2010-05-20T16:48:00.001-07:00

Do not adjust your screens! In fact, I didn't even edit these photos for color, the cake turned out this bright naturally, or at least with the assistance of some gel food coloring. Charlie was very happy with his cake, and it definitely looked impressive. The work was enormous. Dyeing each layer was tedious, and the cakes did not bake at all straight or flat, so I had to do a lot of trimming. The frosting, in and of itself, was extremely challenging (but, oh, so delicious), that there was several times throughout the night I was making it that I told myself that if things went south I could always drive to Dairy Queen for an ice cream cake. Luckily, in the end, I didn't need to.

From the Boy Who Says He Can't Read

2010-05-18T14:24:00.000-07:00

I found this on John's dresser after a day of much tumult in our household. He had been sent to his room a couple times to think things through, and I guess he was thinking more about escaping, rather than reasons why he shouldn't punch his brother in the stomach.

The funny thing is that John has denied being able to read or write on his own all year, even though I know that he can. He always asks me to spell words for him or read books to him, when I know he can do it himself. His teacher told me that she has noticed the same thing.

So, when I saw this little note, orange crayon on white paper, instead of feeling sad that my oldest child wanted to leave me, to get away from his mean, mean mommy, I felt giddy with pride. My boy can write!!!

Sunday Gratitude

2010-05-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

Charles Michael, Winter 2007 (photo by Kim)

Today I am grateful for:

A weeded front yard with some new plants and splashes of color.

An afternoon nap.

Planning some baking projects (Thinking of making this for Charlie's birthday this week).

Having friends that I can trust.

A clean kitchen.

Workout music sent to me by a lovely high school friend. Thank you so much, Sarah! And a new mp3 player to play it on.

So much help today at church, when I was just about ready to pack it up and go home.

Street bike rides.

Black yoga pants, of which I have four pairs.

A Camera Bag and a Pocket

2010-04-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

Since I got my camera last Fall, I've wanted a bag to carry it in. Because I'm just a casual photographer I didn't want anything fancy, and because I'm broke, I didn't really want to spend any money. I thought about making one, but never did. I actually was using an old Land's End mini-tripper diaper bag for a while (sleek and waterproof), but the strap wasn't super long, and it wasn't really the right size. A couple of weeks ago, while shopping at Target with my sister-in-law, I found this satchel on sale for less than $5. I LOVED that it had a long strap so I could wear it across my body, the size was perfect, and the pockets looked very convenient for some of my camera accessories. Unfortunately, it wasn't padded, of course, and I was nervous to keep my camera in it for any length of time. So I decided that I should sew a padded lining in it, but, surprise, surprise, never got around to it, because I wasn't quite sure how I would exactly go about doing it.

Well, this afternoon it is raining again, so my weeding plans were scrapped, and I passed by this bag sitting on my bookshelf yet again, and decided to finally do something with it. It took me only a couple of minutes to brainstorm sewing a double-thick fleece pocket that I could simply insert inside the bag, that I could later whip-stitch in, if I ever felt like it. I didn't even change out the lavender thread in my machine, so this project took less than 10 minutes. Why am I such a procrastinator?

Wish I could take a photo with the camera actually in the bag...

Bitter Sweet

2010-04-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

Bitter

Sending off an angry email last night and waiting for a reply.

Dealing with two staff members at one of the schools I work with, and wishing that they liked me.

Weeds!

Rain and more rain.

Cleaning that is never, ever finished.

A week without LOST.

Mike gone painting all this weekend.

Sweet

Having enough money to splurge the teeniest bit on myself.

Lunch with a friend and a "coffee" break with my husband.

Bike rides.

Making my favorite soup for dinner.

A clean car.

Phone calls with those I love.

Whalen Island

2010-04-27T20:27:00.001-07:00

This is about the time I was wishing for that wide-angle lens of my dreams.

It looks like they are walking on water, but it is just the receding tide.

At my mom's suggestion we stopped by Whalen Island on our way home from her house on Sunday. She and my dad have gone several times and also taken the kids there when they have visited on occasion. John has quite a shell collection from his visits there. Mike and I had never heard of it, and I would imagine most Oregonians who go to the coast often have never heard of it. I'm scared to say too much, because it is awesome to find a place at the beach that is pretty much uninhabited.

At low tide, the water completely leaves the bay and there is miles of sand to explore with a lot of ocean life left behind. John and I were complete shell addicts and couldn't stop ourselves from looking long after the little boys tired out and waited with Mike near the edge of the beach.

With Mike's painting business starting to take off, I treasure these weekends together as a family so much. I hope we get to go back to Whalen Island at least one more time this summer.

Sunday Gratitude

2010-04-25T19:58:00.000-07:00

Sam eating blueberries, April 2009

Welcome back?

I hate it when I don't blog, even though I am under no obligation to post regularly, I still feel a guilty nagging when I don't do it. So today I'm starting fresh with my favorite weekly post -- Sunday Gratitude.

I knew that as soon as I wrote down how great my life is now (full of rainbows and confetti and such) that I would be struck down with something that would make me rethink everything I had written. For some reason it is just not okay to think that you have a total grip on your life, that you are on top of the world, because that is when the world sets out to teach you a lesson.

This past week I found out some information that made me very, very angry. Someone had wronged me. And usually when I am angry underneath of that is a lot of sadness and insecurity. So last week I was feeling very, very angry, sad and insecure. And I was eating too many brownies to deal with all of these awful emotions. I'm still working, so on top of all of the sadness and brownie eating, I was also very tired and emotionally drained. I seriously did not want to leave my couch or my pan of brownies.

But life must go on, and because I don't foresee a chocolate IV in my future, I knew I needed to find some way to snap out of it. But I didn't know how.

So today I am grateful for family that listens and who offer advice when I ask for it.

I'm grateful for a husband who is my love and my life, who works so hard at everything he does.

I'm grateful for children that need me, who bring me out of myself, who have taught me the meaning of sacrifice and unconditional love.

I'm grateful for prayer and for a Heavenly Father that knows me.

And, this week, above all, I am grateful for the power of forgiveness and the lesson that I learned. I understand now how we, for maximum results, must forgive and forget, because if we continued to remember, we would not ever be able to heal and move on. So many others have been required to forgive me of wrongs that I have commited in the past (and will surely commit in the future), that I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to put this principle into practice, for my own betterment.

What are you grateful for?

What a Difference a Year Makes

2010-04-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

Around this time last year I was struck down by a very frightening illness. I was more depressed than I can ever remember being in my life -- even before I got sick. As spring turned into summer, I sunk even more. I was lonely. I was angry. I was a cantankerous, ungrateful pile of goo.

But now I feel like a different person. I feel happy. I feel optimistic. I know that everything is going to okay, and I recognize all of the good in my life. Even my mother commented on how I've changed, that I smile more, am slower to anger, that I seem to enjoy my life.

It was interesting to hear that how I was feeling on the inside was very noticeable to people on the outside.

I can't point to just one that thing that has changed me, but a big part of it has been my Sunday Gratitude posts. They have caused me to tune in more to the good things in my life. I think about my gratitudes all week, and it has become very easy to think of things that make my life good.

I also think that all of the health problems I have had this year have definitely caused me to take a step back and realize that I don't necessarily have all the time in the world, that life is a gift, and I need to be grateful for each hour and day I get to be with my family. Life is much more pleasant when I am happy and grateful, and I think that affects my health in a positive way.

I can't help but think a little bit of it was hormonal and chemical, as it has taken me three children to realize that it takes me nearly 18 months to fully recover from having a baby, and raising three little boys is hard, and tiring, and isn't fun every day. Now that my baby is nearing two, things are getting a little bit easier, as far as the physical demands of motherhood. Knowing that we will not be having any more children, that I won't be pregnant or nursing again, is freeing in a lot of ways. I guess there are two ways to look at this situation too, and I am really focusing on all of the positive parts of keeping our family a party of five.

I have been amazed to see all of the blessings that have come into my life this year, and I think that a lot of this is a direct result of my attitude switch. The new friendships that I have made, the older friendships that have been cultivated, how happy I am in my marriage, the births that I have been invited to attend, the part-time job that was just dropped in my lap, the exercise regimen that I have been able to maintain for the past six months (for the first time in my life), and all of this hope that I feel for the future.

Things are good. Life is good. And even though some problems and difficulties have still crept in, they always do, I feel better able to handle things. I'm not going to fall apart, because I am a strong woman. I am happy because I have chosen to be.

Sunday Gratitude

2010-04-04T20:56:00.000-07:00

Duke Blue Dodge. One week old today.

This has been a very relaxing day, and an enjoyable one, spent with family. I am grateful for the promise of spring on the horizon, and the possibility of drier weather. I am grateful for my extended family, who are so fun to be around, and a beautiful new nephew who has joined in the gang. I am grateful for a busy week ahead, and the end of Tax Season on the horizon. I am grateful for 1/2 lb. hamburgers (topped with vintage cheddar, garlic aoli, and wild mushroom paste) with pomme frites. I am grateful for ironed clothes and packed lunches. I am grateful for a quiet night to reflect on Easter promises and the significance of its meaning. I am grateful for a place to document all of this, and for friends who read it.

Stop the Insanity

2010-04-01T16:22:00.001-07:00

What is up with this new trend for post-partum women to jump on the cover of magazines in BIKINIS weeks after delivering babies? What kind of crazy world do we live in where there seems to be a race to get that post-baby body back before your baby can even crack a smile? This is insane!

I read a couple of quotes from Kendra Wilkinson, the woman on the top cover, who is photographed eight WEEKS post-partum, where she reveals her "secrets" to shedding that baby weight. She is doing 45 minutes of "intense" strength conditioning, followed by running on the treadmill until she can't go any more on a daily basis. Never mind that participating in any of the above activities less than two months after birth is not healthy for your recovering body (she had a c-section), but what normal mom has the time or the energy to devote to that type of regimen while caring for a newborn. Obviously, most normal moms don't and can't.

Besides the fact that I am just so totally disturbed by the non-reality that these photos and articles enforce -- the idea that new moms should focus so much on returning to their original figures, and as quickly as possible -- I think I am mostly annoyed by the external focus of it all. Like if we can make our bodies look perfect, like we never had a baby, then certainly we must be feeling perfect on the inside.

It's hard to admit to being an imperfect mother. Initially, my main motivation to start this blog was to put my motherhood experiences out there, differently than I was seeing on other blogs. I have shared many of my imperfections, my struggles, my temper, my dissatisfaction with the day to days of motherhood. And even though I do all of that, it is still hard to show up here and not be perfect, let alone to not look perfect.

Please, let's support each other in our striving to be our best selves, not the perfect selves we wish we could be. Let's emphasize our insides, the beauty that resides within each of us, and not get too caught up in this outer shell that we occupy. Don't buy in to the garbage they are trying to sell us.

Mid-Week Gratitude

2010-03-31T17:37:00.001-07:00

John took this picture with the camera we gave him for his birthday.

Blogging while I'm working has proven to be quite a challenge, but I really don't have any excuses, since last week was Spring Break. I didn't want to skip my gratitude post, and I really need it this week -- I'm in a funk, for no reason in particular. Life is just getting super busy, and I can't keep up.

I'm grateful for Wednesdays, when my mom comes over to watch the kids. She does my laundry. It is awesome. And I usually get to spend an hour visiting with her after work. Thanks, Mom!

I'm grateful for my crockpot, which I have used nearly ever day that I have worked to get a head start on dinner. It is an old one, but it works well.

I'm grateful for a gym membership that includes childcare.

I'm ever so grateful for the sunny days we had during the break. Funny how much more you appreciate things when they are no longer with you.

I'm grateful for the bunch of red tulips Mike surprised me with on Sunday. It has been years since I've gotten flowers, I sure have enjoyed looking at them.

I'm grateful for an entertaining book to read, which I unfortunately finished last night. Any suggestions?

I'm grateful for children that sleep through the night and go to sleep without any help from me. I can't really wrap my mind around the idea that my six years of interrupted, sleepless nights may actually be in the past.

I'm grateful for my little boys who are obedient and sweet most of the time. If they didn't whine and complain, they would be pretty much perfect, but who wants perfect kids?

I'm grateful for a husband who wakes up every day with a smile on his face, and who works hard to put a smile on mine. I love you, Mike!

What are you grateful for?

Besties

2010-03-22T17:21:00.000-07:00

Kim, Meta, Me & Sara
(I look at this picture and can't help but feel that someone is missing...)

It all started with one plane ticket, and then several months trying to convince someone else to buy a plane ticket. Throw in a Greyhound bus and some Feta cheese, and you have yourself an amazing day spent with three of the best women on the planet. For some reason we didn't get many pictures, probably because we were too busy talking, but I wont soon forget our time together.

Sara, who, when embarrassed, would turn a near-neon shade of red, is now the mother of six beautiful children, is amazingly creative, generous and thrifty. She is one of those people that just gets more and more beautiful with age.

Meta, the girl that every boy wanted to date in high school, and she is still that person that everyone wants to be around. She has just survived one of the most difficult years of her life, and has handled everything with so much grace and courage. I love how simple things make her happy, and I don't know that I have ever met anyone who has a bigger heart than Meta does.

Kim, the artist and my constant confidante, is now a Southern transplant who continues to flourish as an amazingly talented photographer. I am grateful that her family accepts the fact that I'm kind of clingy and allowed me to barge over so many days. Kim is someone who "gets" me and I "get" her, without a lot of explanation needed.

On Sunday morning I sat in the church that I sat in when I was 14 years old -- 20 years ago. So many things are different and so many things are the same. Those 20 years have gone by so quickly that it made me realize that the next 20 years will go by even more quickly. An important thing to remember when I am mopping up spilled juice off of newly mopped floors and wanting to just give up for a bit.

Thank you, friends, for coming out to visit and timing things so perfectly. Thank you for your honesty and perspective. Thank you for the beautiful gifts and the yummy food. Our time together wasn't long enough, but it never is. I'm already looking forward to our next reunion.